𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫,𝐲𝐨𝐮//𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

𝓜𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾

The last three years have been really difficult for me. I started eating less, I stopped playing with my little sister, and I stopped watching movies with my mom in the evening like I used to. I always dropped out of school somewhere. Whether to the store, to the park, or just to wander around the city, I didn't want to be at home. I didn't feel safe there. At night, I fell asleep with a wet pillow from tears. It hurt me. It hurt me not to be able to be with someone I love.
Well, it wasn't just a difficult time for me. Robin had it even worse. When dad caught us, I stopped talking to her. And not only that, I ruined her life.

In elementary school, I told everyone that she was gay. None of the girls talked to her anymore. The boys made fun of her and called her dirty nicknames.
But I still don't know why I did it. Maybe I wanted to convince myself that I was 'normal'. She was the 'weird' one,not me.

Well, then came high school. I made friends with Barbara, found a boyfriend, and was back to being the good old Nancy Wheeler.
Well, that was just a mask, because anyone who knew me before high school knew I wasn't perfect. I don't fit in, and it's all just my younger self who just wanted to have some friends.
Since then, my father and I have hardly spoken. Not that he talked to me much before that. But now he won't even look at me. I wish I could disappear and never be born, so none of this would happen. Life sucks.

I was home alone. My father was at work. Mike is at school. And mom and Holly went shopping. I didn't go to school today. I told my mother that I was sick, but the truth was that I wouldn't be able to look people in the eyes at school after everything they heard yesterday. Everything Steve said. About me, about Robin. I just needed a day off to clear my mind.

"Nancy, hey, how are you?"
I heard a familiar voice.

"Barb? "What are you doing here?"

"Well, you were acting weird yesterday, and you weren't at school today, so I called your mom, and she told me you weren't feeling well."

"I feel a little tired... I'll come tomorrow, I promise; we have to present the projects after all."

"As for the projects, I finished them yesterday with Robin."

I hid my eyebrows. Why did they do it without me?

"What why?"

"Robin heard you crying in the toilets yesterday.

She's what?

"After class, she came to me to help her, since there is a lot for you now."

I was a little disappointed; maybe it was my last chance to apologize to her. You screwed up, Nancy, again.

"Anyway, the project is really nice, and you can present it tomorrow anyway."

"Thank you, Barb." I smiled and gave her a hug.

"Oh, I almost forgot; Tina was handing out party invitations today. I brought you one."

I took a small piece of paper with the address and time on it.

"Saturday at her house?"

"Mmm, they have a huge house, and her parents are away for the weekend, so it could be fun."

I liked it. Finally loosening up a bit.
But then I remembered that Steve and his friends would definitely be there too.

The joy passed quickly.

"I was thinking I'd pick you up by car at six, and then we'd stop to pick up Robin."

The small smile on my face reappeared when she mentioned Robin.

"Okay. I'll ask mom again."

"I'm really looking forward to it. I'll call you in the evening. Now rest."

"Bye Barbara."

Barbara left, and I was alone again. I haven't eaten anything since morning, but I'm not even hungry. Until now, my stomach has been turning from yesterday's bottom.

I slowly sat up on the bed to move around a bit. I thought my head was going to explode.

My eyes fell on my half-open wardrobe. I stood up and walked over to him. I pulled out that special box from under a pile of shoe boxes.

A box of memories of her.

It was an ordinary white box from my mother's shoes, but I decorated it with gum stickers that Robin loved so much.

On a small link, I wrote "everything that reminds me of you."

I haven't opened this box in three years. The day I stopped being friends with her, I threw all the things I had in my room here. To be honest, I have already forgotten what is there.

I sat down on the carpet and opened the box. There wasn't much there, but the memories were pushed into my head right away.

There were poems she wrote to me and tickets to the cinema we went to together. Our favorite cassettes. Our photos are from Starcout. And a red and black bracelet with a teddy bear.

I didn't even realize that I was crying like a little child. It was a gloomy cry, yes, but I remembered the most beautiful things that happened to me in my life.

I was so immersed in it that I didn't notice that my brother was standing in front of my door.

"You should talk to her."

I almost had a heart attack.

"Oh my god, Mike, what are you doing here?"

"I live here."

I rolled my eyes and closed the box.

"You two were pretty close, weren't you? Sort of like me and Will?"

"Almost"

"I get it, Nancy."

No, you don't.
No one does.

"I've hurt Will many times; it hurt me to leave him like this. I didn't want him to be sad because of me. I always came to the Byers and talked to him. I explained it to him, and we were fine. You have to do the same with Robin."

"Mike, don't worry about me; I can solve my problems."

"I'm just saying, try it; you have nothing to lose. And what do you know? Maybe she's already moved on, and she's just waiting for you to come for her."

He left my room without saying another word. He left me there again to drown in my thoughts. I know he was right. He's always right. Well, I can't do it. I'm scared.

I'm afraid to let her back into my life, even though I really want to.