𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫,𝐲𝐨𝐮//𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

𝓘𝓽 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓱𝓾𝓻𝓽𝓼

I spent the whole day crawling on the bed in my room. I didn't do anything; I didn't sleep; I didn't even think. I just stared at the ceiling and waited for this day to end.

It was evening when my mother knocked on my door.

"Nancy, are you better now?"

She asked, sitting on the other end of the bed.

"Honey, you haven't eaten anything since morning; come on, I made you your favorite soup." She gently grabbed my leg.

I didn't answer her; I didn't even blink.
Mom knew what it was about. I had exactly the same episode three years ago. But then I ended up in the hospital because I passed out from a lack of water and food. My mother was with me in the hospital all night, together with my brother and sister. I still don't know where my father was. But I know that he was not interested in his daughter.

"Nancy, please tell me what's going on," she said calmly but still scared.

I cared a lot about my mother. She put all her efforts into our upbringing. She always loved and protected all three of us.

I didn't want to hurt her again.
No her, no mom.

I carefully sat on the bed. My head was spinning, and I thought I was going to pass out. Mom poured water into my glass and put it on my lips.

"Drink, then eat some soup and sleep, okay? You won't go to school tomorrow, but I'll stay home with you to heal."

I drank without saying a word and then ate the tomato soup.

I knew that I had to go to school tomorrow because of the project, but I couldn't. I needed to do something about myself before it was too late.

I fell asleep like a child around seven o'clock. Sleep was my only escape from reality. When I was asleep, I couldn't hurt anyone, and no one could hurt me. I felt like a deactivated bomb.

Friday morning was like any other. I was a little better, so I went downstairs to the kitchen. Mom didn't lie; she really stayed home today.

"Hello, sweetie, I made pancakes for you; are you hungry?"

I nodded and sat down at the table. There was no one else but me, mom, and, of course, Holly.

"Mom? Could I go sleep over at Barbara's tomorrow night?"

"Are you feeling better now?"

"Mmm, I was just a little exhausted."

"Okay, well, then yes."

I wasn't very proud of myself for lying to her, but I knew that if I told her the truth, she wouldn't let me go anywhere. And I really needed to talk to Robin.

When I ate, I ran upstairs to the room. I was looking for some clothes for tomorrow night. I wanted something special. Something that would scream 'New Nancy'. Well, I didn't find anything like that. My whole closet was only made of pink skirts, shirts, and sweaters.

I turned around and saw my golden pig on the table. She didn't want to break my sleep, but I really had nothing on.
I put the money in my pocket and went down the stairs.

"I'm going to the store to buy something for the sleepover. I love you, mom!" I shouted and got on my bike.

Where can I get some nice clothes in this city now?

After about two hours of running around Starcourt, I finally found something I liked. For the first time in my life, I bought a skirt shorter than below the knees. When I tried it on in the booth, I liked it. I felt more myself in it.