You're My Sun - Soukoku

Chapter Three

Dazai pov

"You deserve to live, Dazai."

The words hit me like crossing the street and getting hit by a truck minus all the pain and whatever.

Nobody's ever told me that before. Whenever I complained I was always told to shut up and be grateful for what I have. Whenever I tried to actually express myself it was always taken as a joke. I've always thought of myself as a burden, that I can only be accepted if I make myself useful, and even then I've never really felt like myself.

There was only ever one person I felt like myself around.

And here he is, telling me I deserve to live. I deserve to live.

A small smile grows on my face. Chuuya rambles on.

"You deserve to live, Dazai. I of all people know that the best. I know you might think you're not a good person sometimes, but when you're around me you make me happy and shit and I'm grateful for that. So don't ever say you don't deserve to live because you do-"

I interrupt him by throwing myself at him and hugging him. Tears escape my eyes as I do.

"Hey, it's ok." He says, patting my head awkwardly.

"Thank you." I whisper. I stay hugging him for a minute and then we both realize that I'm lying on top of him and our faces are mere inches away. A thick blush spreads over his face and he shoves me off.

"A-anyways," he clears his throat. "I'm glad I could help or whatever, but shouldn't you be getting back to the agency or something?" The agency. Right. He doesn't want you here. You should leave. He must have noticed my face because he backtracks. "I-I mean you really don't have to if you don't want to, I was gonna go back to my apartment soon anyways, wanna come with?" He wants me to come with him? I haven't been to his apartment in years.

"Ok." I say, standing up.

"We will have to sneak you back downstairs, though, because if somebody in this building sees you I'm in big trouble."

"That shouldn't be a problem." I say, giving him a sincere smile. I can't see very well because he turns away, but his cheeks look a little pink.

"Right, well let's go then."

...

I get into the passenger seat of Chuuya's car while he gets into the driver's seat. Huh. That's funny I don't remember this being his car. Oh wait cause I blew up the other one. I remember, smiling to myself. We start driving, and after about 10 minutes we reach an average-sized apartment building. Chuuya parks in the parking lot and we walk up 3 flights of stairs to apartment 3-H. He takes out a key and unlocks the door.

I step inside and a small black puff of fur with teeth launches itself at me, hissing. I pick it up and hold it at arms-length, examining it. Huh.

"I didn't know you were a cat person, Chuuya." He blushes.

"I got lonely sometimes, so I got him. His name is Mackerel." It's my turn to blush. Wasn't that his old nickname for me? I put the cat down.

"So how long have you had him for?"

"About 4 years." he replies, heading into the kitchen. "I've had him since he was a kitten. He's actually pretty sweet." He takes out a can of cat food and empties it into a little bowl sitting on the floor. Mackerel rubs against his leg and purrs before starting to eat.

"Well, uh I'm gonna start making dinner now." He says, opening cabinets and taking out utensils and ingredients.

"Need any help?" I ask, watching the tiny cat gobble up his food. I look up at Chuuya and his eyes glance from the knife block to my bandages and then to me.