You're My Sun - Soukoku

Chapter Sixteen

Chuuya pov

Two days. It's been two fucking days since my dumb ass decided it was a good idea to ask out Dazai Osamu and he rejected me.

I mean, what was I expecting, really? 'Oh Chuuya, I've loved you too for years, let's run away from our jobs together and start a life in the countryside and have a goat farm!'

I snort, burying my face deeper into my pillow. My head is pounding from the unhealthy amount of alcohol I've consumed in the past 2 days, and empty bottles litter the nightstand and the floor next to my bed. I flip over and stare across the room at the picture of us 4 years ago on the dresser.

I stand up, walk over to the dresser, and throw it onto the ground with a crunch. The frame shatters, but I don't bother to clean it up. I head into the bathroom and take some painkillers for my hangover.

I don't even bother looking at my reflection because I know it isn't pretty. I grab a pair of clean clothes from a chair and put them on. This is fine. You're fine. That whole thing never happened. My phone dings on the nightstand for what must be the 1000th time. I've been ignoring it. I put it on Do Not Disturb and slip it into my pocket before heading out the door.

I arrive at the Port Mafia building a short while later and walk inside, ignoring the glances and whispers. Jesus, I know I look horrible, but you don't have to whisper about it like that. I angrily stomp my way to my office but I'm stopped in the hallway by Higuchi.

"Chuuya! I've been trying to get a hold of you for the past few days! So, did you ask him? How'd it- oh, that bad, huh?" She looks at me, taking in my tangled hair and red, bleary eyes. "What happened?" she asks softly.

I humph past her and slam the door to my office in her face. She tries to get me to let her in for a minute before giving up and walking off.

God, this is not how everything was supposed to go. Get yourself together, Nakahara. I give myself a few mental slaps in the face followed by actual slaps on the face and sit down, getting started on the work I missed the past two days. Someone knocks on my door.

"What do you waaaant?" I groan.

A concerned looking Akutagawa pokes his head in. "Can I come in?" He asks, glancing at me nervously.

Normally, I would say no, but something about him looks off right now, so I allow him inside. He looks anxious.

"What happened?" I ask, genuinely curious now.

"It's Dazai." he says, his face somehow pale, even though he's already like the palest person alive.

Not him again, I just got that out of my mind. "Look, I don't know what you heard about us, but-" I growl, but he cuts me off.

"It's not about you. I was talking to Atsushi, who says he got worried about Dazai yesterday evening when he didn't show up to work for two days. He went to his house and found him lying on the bathroom floor in his own blood."

I'm out of my chair in an instant. "WHAT?!"

Akutagawa takes a shaky breath. "Atsushi sounded really scared, he said he was in really critical condition, but he was holding... well... he said it looked like he was bleeding because he... cut himself."

I think back to the times I'd seen what was under Dazai's bandages before, all those scars, littering his skin. I'd thought that they were just something somebody else had done to him, or from a fight, but he did those all... himself?

"Where is he now?" I ask frantically, my mind spinning through millions of scenarios. "Is he ok?"

"He's in the hospital." Akutagawa says. "I was about to go see him, wanna come?"

I nod silently and the two of us head downstairs and into the parking lot. A small white car is waiting for us, and Akutagawa gets into the passenger's seat while I get into the back. I'm surprised to see tiger boy driving. He looks really worried. He casts me a sympathetic glance and Akutagawa squeezes his hand.

We drive off, heading for a hospital near the center of Yokohama. Traffic is pretty bad right now, and I feel myself getting impatient.

"Can't you drive any faster?" I snap.

"He's doing his best!" Akutagawa snaps back at me, glowering.

"Aku, it's ok." Tiger boy says, placing a hand on his shoulder while keeping the other on the steering wheel. Akutagawa looks at him and something silent passes between them. Akutagawa slumps back against his seat.

Okay, what the hell happened, because the last time I saw those two they hated each other's guts. Normally I would ask, but I don't give two fucks right now, I just need to see Dazai and make sure he's ok.

Maybe 5-10 minutes later, we arrive at a hospital, and the three of us hop from the car and rush towards the entrance. I run towards the front desk.

"Where is Dazai Osamu?" I demand to the woman sitting there. She looks unfazed by my appearance and harsh attitude, and directs me towards the fourth floor, room 4H.

I break off running towards the stairs, and she calls "No running!" after me. I slow down to a quick walk and take the stairs two at a time. Please be ok, please be ok. I speed walk down the hallway, reaching a room marked 4H. That's it. He's in there. My hand hovers in front of the doorknob. What the fuck is wrong with you? Go inside!

Akutagawa and tiger boy come up behind me.

"You guys go first." I say, stepping out of the way. They give me strange glances and step inside. Idiot, what the hell was that?! Are you really too chicken to go inside? I lean against the wall and wait. After about ten minutes, Akutagawa and tiger boy come out.

"He's not even conscious right now." Akutagawa says. I nod shakily and head inside.

Light streams in through the open curtains, and a small bouquet of flowers rests on the nightstand next to the table. A very pale Dazai is lying in the bed, breathing into a tube. There are bandages wrapped around his entire torso. He's kind of hard to look at.

I sit down in a chair next to the bed.

"Dazai-" I start, then stop, realizing I don't know what to say. I try again. "Dazai, I know you can't even hear me right now, so everything I'm saying is pointless. I'm here because- because I care about you a lot." I pick up one of his limp hands and slowly trace patterns in his palm. "I'm sorry if I ruined everything between us, if there ever was anything there, by asking you out. It won't happen again. I hope you're gonna be ok. I'm scared for you."

I realize I have nothing else to say, and slowly start to get up, reluctant to let go of his hand. Just as I'm about to drop it, his fingers tighten around mine.

I blink in surprise as he opens his eyes.

"Wait." he says in a raspy voice. "Stay."

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