The Heart That's Meant to Love You [COMPLETED]

Chapter 42: Losing

Kieran hadn't meant to wander toward campus. He had meant to go home. He had meant to accept an invitation to a party or to take a trip to a nearby club. So why did he find his feet traipsing across the pavement outside the campus walls? How did he end up at the one place he had sworn to avoid at all costs?

Admittedly, Kieran only wanted to avoid the place in order to avoid the person. It had all been a mistake. Picking her to seduce. Seeing her outside of the Little Rich Girl element. Allowing her to get close enough that he even invited her to his apartment.

Kieran had rules for reasons. Most of the time, girls knew what they were getting into when Kieran approached them. This time, he doubted the sanity of his own actions.

The rain cascading down around him mirrored Kieran's inner turmoil. It obscured the things around him, covering them with a haze that wasn't impenetrable, but troublesome nonetheless. If not for the umbrella that Kieran had stolen from Jack's office, he would find himself in the middle of that rain-haze now.

Thunder rumbled overhead.

Storefronts retaliated by turning up their lights.

A pink haze from across the street caught Kieran's attention, drew him in to the scene framed by the corner window.

Sadly, Kieran could recognize Naomi anywhere. It was like a sixth sense. He simply knew when she was in the room. He could spot her at any distance.

Right now, he wished he didn't have that ability.

Watching Naomi had always intrigued Kieran, but not this time. This time, he wished he could unsee the others sitting at the table with her. Especially the slicked-back, sharp-suited man leaning arrogantly in his chair.

From the looks of things, Idiot Oliver had paid for the snacks. Their table was covered from end to end in every imaginable purchase. It was just like rich boys to overbuy everything. A desperate plea for attention and affection.

Whatever. Let him try.

Kieran turned to walk away, but something drew him back.

One last look, Kieran deceived himself. He wished he hadn't.

Claire said something, punctuated by a movement of her hands.

Oliver answered her.

And Naomi smiled.

There were three things that Kieran had never seen Naomi do. One: wear colors brighter than a warm neutral. Two: interact with strangers. And three: smile.

No matter how hard he tried, Kieran could never make Naomi smile. He had seen only a somber expression on her beautiful face since the very first time they met. He hadn't thought her capable of making any expression other than the bored indifference she usually gave him.

But Oliver had drawn out her smile.

Kieran didn't mind the rivalry he felt toward Oliver. That was normal.

What Kieran found that he minded, was the way Oliver got along with Naomi. Naive Naomi didn't have any guards up against Oliver. She didn't sass him or push him away like she did with Kieran. She allowed him to treat her, care for her, and become a part of her life.

Kieran shouldn't want that for himself, but he did. That's what tilted the scales on the decision he made.

"If you can't be confident in your own decisions, don't take responsibility for anyone. Ever." His mother's words rang in his head, a deafening echo of defeat.

At the time, she had been warning him what it meant to attach oneself to another person. Once you accepted someone into your life, you had to take responsibility for what happened to them. A heavy weight that settled constantly on Kieran's shoulders bore down harder with the reminder.

Kieran couldn't even protect one or two close friends. How could he bring anyone else into his convoluted world? Especially not Naomi. She was too pure. Too innocent.

If he wanted to protect Naomi, Kieran knew what he must do. He should let her go now, before things got complicated.

He had made up his mind before, but now he found his decision sealed in concrete. Naomi deserved better than what Kieran could offer her. This had never been meant to turn into a relationship, anyway.

Despite the burning in all of his pores, begging Kieran to turn back, he walked away from the little cafe. He had gotten from Naomi all that he could take. He couldn't make any more waves in her life. She should go back to the smooth seas she had been sailing upon.

Kieran would no longer be the obstacle in the way of her clear path.

Kieran's phone vibrated against his leg. He dug a hand into his pocket to retrieve it.

Patrick, read the caller ID.

Kieran shook his head and powered off his phone. He wouldn't speak to Patrick unless he absolutely had to. They had settled bills for the month, so he wouldn't acknowledge Patrick until his next pay day. Better to put distance between himself and the father that never cared.

He had Tawny to look after. He had Donovan to protect. He didn't need Naomi by his side, too.

It would be difficult. He still had to see her at school, until he finished fulfilling his task. He would have to interact with her, on some level, because of her painting class. How could he make her walk away, for her own good?

Steely determination told Kieran what he must do, but he didn't think he could. Not yet.

I just want a few more days. After a few more days, I'll let go. She doesn't mean so much to me that I can't play her for a few more days.

Kieran didn't know how he expected anyone else to believe the lie. Not when it made his heart ache just to think about walking away. How would he get through after that?

Those were thoughts that Kieran didn't dare to entertain. He had always lived one day at a time. He wouldn't change anything now. His habits and interests were too ingrained in him.

A few more days, and then he would move on to a more interesting plaything.