Back To The Beginning (Andy Barber)

5 - Questions unanswered

Present Day

I glance up and catch a look at myself in the mirror of the court bathrooms. I look just as tired as Andy does, then again I've been losing sleep over today ever since Mom announced that it would be me questioning him.

What's worse is that I can't even go and talk to him. I can't discuss anything with him outside of the room we're going to be shut away in for the rest of the afternoon.

I have to get his answer to my main question out of him today. The question that the jury really wants to hear.

Did Laurie intend to kill herself and Jacob.

"You're doing great out there sweetie" Mom now comes in and rubs my shoulders. "I know it's hard considering how you worked together, but you have a certain way that just might get through to him".

I turn to her. "Do you think he'll tell us that he thinks his wife did this on purpose?"

"I'm counting on you to get it out of him".

I swallow the lump in my throat. "He'll defend her, he loves her even after everything".

"He doesn't want his family to crumble, even I know that. You forget I know Andy just as well as you do".

I turn to her. "What do you mean?"

"You worked with him Savannah, you'd know what he was like just like I do - why? What did you think I meant?"

I shake my head. "Nothing".

I walk out and then see him. He's sat on a bench outside the courtroom by himself, head down and not making eye contact with anyone.

My heart shatters.

He looks so alone.

Everyday he walks empty rooms of his home, keeps himself shut away from everyone and everything. He chose to isolate himself after his seemingly perfect life fell apart.

I want nothing more than to just go over and kiss him, tell him that if he just says the word then everything will be alright. Jacob will have some justice even if he may not wake to see it.
The last time I spoke to him a few months ago wasn't the best. I tried to make him see that Laurie intended what she did, but he still kept defending her.

He still does.

All in all it's hopeless. Any hope that I have of reconciliation between us can never happen. He still defends and cares for his wife. But I know I have to do all I can just to make him see that this was no accident.

And I'm not leaving this courtroom until I do.

Andy now looks up and sees me standing there, watching him. I smile faintly and mouth "I'm sorry".

He nods and mouths "I know" back to me.

I have to do my job and he knows it.  He knows that I don't mean to be as harsh as I intend within the courtroom.

I turn and walk away rounding a corner of a quiet hallway and leaning back against the wall to try and stop myself from crying. No one can see me like this, especially the grand jury, otherwise they'll think me incompetent of seeing this through.

I feel my phone vibrate in my trouser pocket and fish it out.

I'm not angry Savannah. Do what you need to do.

It's him...

We shouldn't be doing this but it's the only way. Andy... I begin to type but delete it. Then changing it to something else. I know, and I will. I'm sorry Andy, I never meant for it to be like this.

Yeah...neither did I.

I shove my phone back into my pocket and move down the empty hallway a little further to try and compose myself. I still love him and that is apparent. Part of me wonders if I hadn't left to work with Joanna, if he hadn't of called things off so suddenly then would we still have carried on?

He did the right thing. I don't blame him for choosing family over me. I was just a side piece, helping to comfort him while he was going through the rough patch with Laurie. But at times I swore he looked at me in such a way that I was sure it was love he felt.

Andy Barber never told me that he loved me out loud, yet in some way I was sure that he did in others.

In the end he couldn't risk everything he had just for me. He would've lost everything,  not just his family but his job, his reputation.

I would always cost him too much.

I'm not worth that cost.

I stay put where I am for a while until I can finally get my head straight, checking my watch and seeing there is only just five minutes left before we head back into the courtroom to start interrogation round two.

That's what it feels like, and yet he knows I didn't ask for this.

Smoothing my suit out, I take a breath and head back to the courtroom, ready to see this through, and to hopefully open Andy's eyes.

We rise for the jury as they take their seats and then sit back down. Well, everyone else does, except me. I remain on my feet and now consult my notes before looking to Andy. "Would you like some water before we begin again Mr Barber?" He shakes his head but I refill his glass anyway. He looks up at me as I do. "We could be a while depending". I tell him professionally- so much that I swear I could be as good as Neal or him if I tried.

Heading back to my notes, I take a look again and begin to pace. "Ready when you are Andy. Tell me what went on from when Ben Rifkin was murdered..."