Back To The Beginning (Andy Barber)

15 - As We Were

I head into work one morning complete with coffee for Mom and me, opening the door to her office with my elbow as I juggle the coffee holder, files and my bag all at once. "Rise and shine!" I say brightly. "Your coffee is calling". 

As I walk in I stop dead and see Mom sitting there

And with Andy...

I smile at him, seeing him suited as usual, looking like he's slept and how he was before everything happened. "You're back..." 

He nods. "Your Mom is very persuasive - plus I had some time to think about a few things that someone had a conversation with me about". 

I instantly know he's talking about ours. 

I've only been able to see him once or twice over the last few weeks due to a case I've been working on, but he never told me he was coming back. Perhaps he thought it best not to in case Mom decided no. Like she ever would do that. 

"You look great". I say, putting the coffee down on Moms desk. "If I knew you'd be here I'd have got you one too" I shoot him a look discreetly. 

He holds up his coffee cup. "Already one step ahead of ya". 

"Right well, let me take my crap our of your office, there's not much but..." 

"Savannah, it's fine" He smirks. I'm not gonna kick you out, I can make do with..." 

I shake my head. "No. It's yours". 

"My, my, did we not learn about sharing as kids?" Mom smirks, "You two shared before, just do so again. It's a big enough office, and plus I have a potential junior starting with us soon, so I'd rather keep the desk out there free for him". 

I turn to Andy, "Well you're at least gonna have your old desk back" I smirk as he gets up and turns to Lynn. "I'll look over this file and see what we've got". 

"No problem and Andy?" Mom says as he turns following me out. "Welcome back". 

He bows his head with a small smile. "Thank you for giving me a second chance". 

"You didn't need one. You did nothing wrong". 

"Try telling that to the rest of Newton". 

**

"Did you go and see Laurie?" I ask later on that morning as I come back from a quick coffee and muffin run, setting his order on his desk". 

"I did". 

He hasn't really told me about what was said, but I know he's still conflicted. It's only natural. This woman is his wife and she did the unthinkable. He sits back in his chair and picks at the muffin. "I'm still confused by it all, angry but at the same time trying to think that maybe she just wanted to harm herself and not Jake..."

"Because crashing into an overpass on the very same side as your son was obviously trying to attempt to kill her. Andy, she knew what she was doing. She was either trying to take him out or both of them". The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Do you still love her?" 

Andy is silent. "She's my wife...it's, complicated - after speaking with you that day, going through the inquest with the grand jury, and then going to see her and try see whether she knew? Some days I hate her and others? I know I should stand by her in some ways because she barely remembers. But I know that I shouldn't and currently I'm starting the process of my next move". 

"Will she remember?" 

"She will eventually, but for now? Like Duffy told me, they're going to move her to a psychiatric unit when she's more mobile so they can continue their assessments until a potential trial date is set, if there is one".  Andy now looks at me sadly. "I can't help the way I feel Sav, and with things the way they are, I have to come to terms with losing everything". 

How the fuck are we supposed to move forward if he's still attached to her in some sense. Some days I wonder whether he does want me, and to pick up from where we left off like he suggested. I ask him this now, whether it's what he wants. 

"If I didn't then I wouldn't be now asking you to meet me tonight". He gives me a look. 

"My place, usual time we met at?" I ask. "Or, if you wanted you could come over and we could have dinner?" 

"Sav, you don't have to take care of me..." 

I smile shyly. "No...but I want to" and now look into my coffee. "I never had the chance to do that before because we always had a time limit..." and now trail off. 

There;s silence for a moment. "Savannah, I'm sorry about back then - nothing was ever easy was it?" 

"Still not even now. We can't really be seen because people will judge, but we can still make up for the time we never had, in private? There's no time limit now, unless you have a strict curfew for yourself that you need to abide by?" 

He smiles lightly at me and then gets up, coming over to my desk, and taking my hands, pulling me to my feet. "No time limit. We just need to focus on us". His lips meet mine.

"What about Laurie? You said it's complicated. How do I know that you're not gonna turn around and tell me that you suddenly believe her and call things off again?" 

He tucks some hair behind my ear. "I said just now that I'm starting the process of my next move - I'm filing for divorce..."  I blink at him. "This is why I need to wrap my head around everything, why it's all complicated and conflicted. Like I said earlier, I need to come to terms with losing my family". 

I lean in and kiss him deeply once more. "I'm sorry..." 

"Why?" 

"I just feel like I'm pushing you and..." 

"Savannah, this was my call. Laurie is my wife, we spent all those years together since college. It's going to take some time to come around from it. But I can never forgive her. I need to focus on Jake from now on, and us". He assures me. 

The phone goes off and we jump apart, Andy heading to his desk and picking it up. "Andy Barber..." I watch as his face falls. "What? Okay...I'll be right, thanks". He hangs up and grabs his jacket. 

"What's happening?" I ask as I see him panicking slightly, looking to make sure he's got his car keys, wallet and phone. 

"It's Jake, he's regaining consciousness - certainly likes to pick his moments" 

He heads for the door and then looks back at me. "Go!" I urge, "I'll let Mom know". 

He's gone and I look around the now quiet room, hoping that Jacob will be okay for all of our sakes.