Half of 365

19

He shook his head. "That's not what I wanted."

Napatingin ako sa kaniya nang sabihin niya 'yon. "I don't want to hear such reasons," mahina kong sabi. It was hard to breath. "You chose to hurt me. Don't deny it, please."

Nagsimula na ring tumulo ang mga luha niya. He held my hand and sobbed. We were both sitting on the floor, crying. Mas lalo akong nanghina sa mga hikbi niya. Tiningnan niya ulit ako nang diretso sa mata. "Forgive me."

Sumandal ako sa balikat niya habang tumutulo ang mga luha ko. Hinila niya ako papalapit sa kaniya para yakapin.

My heart was so soft for him at that moment. I wanted to just forget about what he did when I felt his pain. I wanted to wipe his tears when they couldn't stop falling. I wanted to hug him tight. But I couldn't. I was hurt. Badly hurt. At hindi 'yon basta-basta nagagamot, kahit ng pagmamahal niya.

"I trusted you so much," I whispered.

"I'm sorry." Humiwalay siya at pinunasan ang luha ko. "It's true that I lied. I used Aliana. I admit it. I just... didn't know what to do."

"Bakit hindi mo na lang sinabi sa'kin 'yung totoo?"

"Sasabihin ko naman dapat sa'yo, pero naunahan ako ng takot. Natakot ako na kapag nalaman mo, iiwan mo ako," his voice broke. "I admit my mistakes but, please, can you give me a chance? I don't want to be abandoned again."

"I hate you." I punched his chest. "I can't believe you cheated on me."

"I'm sorry." His eyes were pleading.

Natahimik kaming dalawa. Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at sumandal sa railings. I wiped my tears and took a deep breath.

"Ang bigat-bigat na ng nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko na kaya." I held my chest. "I want us to rest."

Nakita ko ang pangangamba sa mata niya. Tumayo siya at tumabi sa'kin. "What are you trying to say?"

I stared at him. "Tigilan muna natin 'to, Bri. I don't want to decide right now, wala ako sa tamang wisyo. We need to heal individually."

Natahimik siya saglit at unti-unting tumango. "I'll fix myself. I promise to be the man you deserve, Cass."