The Tour. | +18 | BWWM

𝄞 25 | The After Party

As bodies rub against me in a crowded party, I kept my head down. My outfit from the Hollywood Bowl gig just felt so much more revealing. There's always an after-party but maybe I'm just not the after-party-type person. Perhaps this is the Wheelz in me but all these people on top of each other in Asher's house wasn't what I'd call fun. I knew only two people but the rest I don't know. Didn't know the supermodels, music people, internet people, tech people, actresses, or actors. A guy pushes past me to go out to the balcony.

The saddest part about this party was the view. When I tried to look out the enormous glass windows, people completely blocked it. They were drinking and smoking on the deck near the pool. I liked that view. Maybe it's the romantic in me but the lights of L.A. at night were stunning. Its pink sky receding and the night catching up to it is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It almost makes you forget that the pink is smog. I head for the couch and Tucker is talking to Asher but Asher's eyes are hard, shut down. It reminded me so much of the first time I saw him at the after-party for the first episode of The Tour. This time though five women instead of four are with Tucker. His manager pats him on the back introducing the one closest.

"This is Alisia, she's a model for Hankquest agency. Alisa, this is Asher," he chuckles when he says his name like of course she would know his name and it's some big inside joke. The way he says Alisia and Asher's name is almost like a dog owner introducing two dogs to each other like a pet play date. Asher folded his arms together and nodded at the woman. Tucker introduces the other three women with him. His agent urges Asher to sit down in the middle of the couch. The models rearrange themselves shifting to accommodate his wish. Then Tucker laughs again as if Asher told the best joke that ever could be told but Asher wasn't smiling at all. He had that look he got when he was dealing with Paulie, like a hawk sizing up a snake. The women giggle around Tucker. Is Tucker a manager for musical talent or a pimp? I've never seen the man on task once. Even at the concert, Asher was running almost everything. And when Asher wasn't running, Rux and his brother Teddy, were handling it. Tucker seemed completely useless.

My feet take me to Asher, his pull is always undeniable for me. A kind of undeniable gravity that seems to always pull me to him. The small smile I can't help when I see him is there. And an unnamed feeling fills me. Something I realize I don't have words for when I look at him. Maybe in his own way Asher is Wheelz too.

"Asher?" I call out to him. My hand reaches for him because of gravity and he takes my hand but he's still off. Deeply off. I extended my hand to Tucker. I've always been a handshake type, so I felt like I needed to at least acknowledge the man. Asher pulled me back before my hand came up completely. I abort the handshake and wave at him and the women on the couch. What is up with Asher?

The beat from the live music moves through my body. Normally with wonderful music, my toes would at least tap along to the beat but for some reason it isn't moving me. It's one of the few times I didn't pay attention to music. The live band was good, but it wasn't filling me in a way that moved me. Instead, my attention was drawn to Asher's gravity. It was uncomfortable. My belly turned with the weight of uneasiness because after I tried to shake Tucker's hand Asher let go of mine. As my hand fell to my side, it was as if distance fell with us. We were falling apart. As if the space and stars I so often see and Asher's eyes were nothing but the sinister void. A void that separated us without a bank of stars that could connect us in space.

My gut churned. The half-second when I didn't feel completely alone at this party disappeared. It was like that happy feeling never existed before. The words from Tucker go right past me without care. Tucker crowed over the Hollywood Bowl gig where he did next to nothing. His chatter wasn't affecting me as much as the space that now was separating us. The distance grew by miles and light-years. That ugly expression from the parking lot and our first kiss grew across Asher's face. I don't know why our hands intertwined became so much of a comfort when I was uneasy. When did hearing Birdy become so important? Why does the absence hurt so much?

I wanted out. I wanted out of this party; I wanted out of L.A. Most of all I wanted to get as far away from Asher as I could. Because the cold distance, even this much, hurts. This void he created on purpose meant more to me. It really was foolish of me to give him access to burn me up. Heat gathered behind my eyes. I close my eyes and remember to breathe. In and out slowly because I fucking refuse to cry. Why does this hurt? When did he become so much more to me? I step away from Asher and I don't know why I expect him to say something. But for Tucker and the other women on the couch, it was as if I was never there in the first place. I don't look back for Asher to see if he is following me. I coached myself along fighting the tears I knew were waiting like a lurking monster. Fuck this crowded house. I went straight to Asher's room. Enter the code which unlocked all five locks on his door. Shut everything up behind me.

Click...

Click...

Click...

Click...

Click...

And the world was locked out from hurting me anymore. Was it really the world or maybe just Asher?

The room was dark and the lights of Los Angeles glowed up from the huge floor-to-ceiling windows. In my brief glance at it I realize it wasn't just the house that hung precariously above LA. It was such a beautiful view for such a pretty house. And for such a pretty house it felt like such an ugly place.

I took my clothes off wrapping the sheet around me. My head hit the pillow and then my tears. I went to sleep on that cold bed. Hoping that tomorrow could come as fast as possible so I could get the fuck out of here.

A/n: Almost there.  Pray for me yall lol. We gonna hit this deadline and get the edits in.  Had to unpublish and republish due to a fast change in the scene.