The Tour. | +18 | BWWM

𝄞 34 | We Are

With the spicy smell of whiskey and smoke surrounding me on Asher's tour bus, I wanted to be warm with him. But the coldness found a way to come in waves. I searched for the warmth but it was gone. A quick nap before showtime turned into something more with Asher. I squeezed my thighs together. I felt him there but not in the bed with me. A hard pull of the covers didn't make me feel any warmer. My closed eyes didn't make the world go away. But opening them would mean I'd have to do something about it before my phone alarm went off. Getting up before the alarm is not my jam. I may have a deep Wheelz spirit but not the nerdy wake-up game. I want every second of sleep and closeness but no Asher is ruining it. I crack an eye open and through the little slit, there was no sun out. Just the parking lot lights on and the number of cars next to the employee parking lot growing in number.

The show was almost over. Even if we didn't win, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. The door opens and closes and I smell him first. He's been drinking... I bite the inside of my cheek. The clank of the bottle is on the small end table. A slosh of amber liquid in the bottle. Just behind my eyes, the good feelings that I slowly built up are replaced with worry again. There's that gnawing sensation just inside my stomach that something is really wrong. His boot on the end table and the sound of a guitar picking away. Not loud but that habitual playing, I know it because I do the same thing. As if my thoughts need my fingers to move. I want to pull him into bed with me and never show up at tonight's show. But that won't fix shit. He can't fix Zoey's disappointment if this goes down badly. I can't fix his brother being dead and him knowing he was an addict and not saying anything. Plus, his problems are a hundred times bigger than mine. All I ask from him is honesty and to know when he needs space. It's the last call and the last show and probably the end of whatever we have together. Us being over is us being over but honesty is all I'm asking for.

I keep my eyes closed and let him work through it. No point in crowding him if he needs me he'll reach for me. Hopefully... As that guitar played away in the night I didn't go back to sleep. I let time and space stretch us out and I was there for him in my own way.

The light touch of his callous finger on my toe made me smile. At that touch, I was three seconds from rolling over and opening my arms but then a knock came at the trailer door. His hand didn't move with the second knock at the trailer door. But with the third, he got up, and I followed the sound of his boots to the door.

"What took you so long?" An irritated Paulie's voice was hard to miss. The door clicked close behind him. I pull the blanket up over my naked body. A quick glance around the room for my clothes as the two men talk. Of course, Paulie had to show the fuck up. If I was going to get up again, I wanted a round two not around Paulie. Pants, phone, shirt, shoes...

Bra... I scan the room. Bra?

"We can do this another time," Asher says to Paulie.

Leaning over the side of the bed and pick up my bra. I put it on and then put my shirt on over it.

"You own the rights you have to approve the change for it to go through, that was the deal," Paulie says to Asher. I search under the bed for my panties. Moving my search out slowly in the parking lot light lit room. Come on panties, come out wherever you are. I really don't want to be naked while Paulie is in the trailer. As I get closer to Asher's bedroom door, I see my panties near his guitar. I slip the panties on and then my pants. Through the narrow crack of the door, the two men engage in an intense conversation. And their voices get lower. I put my shoes on and get out of there. With quiet steps, I head for the back door and the attached studio. Open that narrow door with memories of us together for the first time. I smile at the thought.

The heavy steel toe-booted footfalls behind. It clued me into my not-so-sneaky escape that wasn't as sneaky as I thought.

I feel his warm callous hand settle as if it was made to go there against my back. It's the touch I thought he would have given me. The touch I wish he would have given me when we were in bed earlier. Asher kisses my neck over the bird as is his habit. The smile was only a bit wider. But when I went to turn around and kiss him back, he held me in place. His arms wrap around my middle pulling me close to him with my back to his shirtless chest. That dread was back the same way Tule fog always comes into Sacramento even in the deepest of droughts.

"Asher?" The tip of his nose rubs against the side of my neck and a shiver runs through my body.

"Yes," he mumbles into my neck.

"What's up with you?" A part of me thought he was going to talk about his brother. In those rare times when he wants closeness, he drops things about his brother. I hope this time it would be something good he remembered but made him sad at the same time. That I could trace his touch from earlier and now this touch. I can track it and understand what is going on in his head. I wish I could look into his eyes and try to puzzle it out.

"You were going to leave without saying goodbye." Well, technically yes but someone was with him. That wasn't totally fair on his part.

"Ok, my bad. Bye Asher." He tightened his hold over me. Hmm... that didn't fix the weirdness. I put my hand over his arm and held him to me. Leaning back into his touch and relaxing completely into his hold. He carries me back to the bed and a night full of him. Then I slipped into an exhausted sleep.

***

The alarm on my phone goes off. It's time to get ready for the show and change. I'm going to have to shower at the arena in the area where they do the basketball stuff. I go through the list of stuff I need to get done. And my engine of getting everything ready flicks on like a switch in my head. Even still within his hold that feeling of something being up didn't go away. But I had to push it away because the show must go on.