The Tour. | +18 | BWWM

𝄞 24 | The Hollywood Bowl

"Check 1, 2, 3, check, check," said Teddy on stage. Rux behind Teddy on the drums twirled the drumstick in his left hand. I remember as a kid rereading Alice in Wonderland again and again. Flipping through the pages and reimagining it as some grand space opera and writing music for it in my head. My closet music freak was on full display to anyone who would pass by my room. I always thought the looking glass was a massive interpretation of a wormhole. In the musical, I wrote in my journal that's what it was at least for me. Grand space and stars with planets of large water. That water reflects what you might want to see or might not in yourself. As the night sky grew longer with the sun's setting, the Hollywood bowl lights came on.

Teddy completed his soundcheck. Asher tugs my hand pulling me along with him. I barely manage to hang on to my guitar bag with my eyes roaming all over the place. When the lights of that sign came on fully with the bowl. Asher pulled me along it was like I was stepping through the looking glass again but in a good way.

If you grew up in California and make music you've been to the Hollywood Bowl. It's a mecca of outdoor live music. My mother and grandmother took my brother, Zoey, and I. And now I was the one performing. Memories of the time I came here for shows came to me with so much warmth. The Hollywood Bowl is a place where when you drive the hours to L.A. to catch a show it makes a memory. That memory is so imprinted on your soul it can keep you company in a cold hospital in the middle of the night.

I follow Asher up the steps for the soundcheck. Teddy walked off stage leaving Rux behind the drums and Asher passing me my guitar. My hand wrapped around my guitar and with it in my grip my hand shook. I've always performed with Zoey. But this was a big stage. The Hollywood Bowl was one of the biggest stages in California, with seating for 17,000 plus people. This no Zoey was new. I've done little stages like school vocal performances but nothing like this. The only exception was the audition, and that was a single song. When I did the audition I zoned out and thought I was playing for my mother.

Nerves were getting to me until my gaze met Asher's. He smiles at me like he's taking me to his secret favorite spot. Maybe for him who's been around the whole planet Earth doing shows, this is another of his secret spaces? It's probably one of the places he's most comfortable.

"We've got a few hours before the gig," Asher said. He plugs in my guitar for the soundcheck. Then plugs in his guitar and steps in front of the mic. People move around him pulling cables. Fixing the seating and rushing for showtime. I nod at him and gulp as I take my spot in the back closer to Rux than Asher. I take another two steps away from the mic.

Asher opens his mouth to the mic and shuts it. He heads over to me pulling my mic closer to him and further away from Rux. When he looks right, he can see me in his eye line and when I look left, I can see him. Although all the seats at the bowl are empty, it's closer to the front of the stage, than I really want to be.

"You can do this," he says. The place is dang near empty so if he's having to give me a pep talk with empty seats how is pulling me to the front a good idea?

I shake my head yes at him, and we get through sound checks smoothly. It was like the second I was playing my grandmother's guitar it all came together. It was so fun. Rux was insanely good on the drums. Asher... It was like we were jamming in the tour bus but without the sex. Before I knew it, we were done with the soundcheck. Teddy ushered us off stage to get ready. My hair and makeup were redone but Asher of course looked perfect. How do guys do that? Why do men have amazing long lashes? It's not like they care about it.

"Twenty minutes until showtime," Teddy says and then closes the dressing door. I stand up and open the door. Teddy is standing sentry in the same way Rux always does for Asher. All his hulking mammoth size but he had a babyface.

"Ah Teddy, is it ok to call you Teddy do you have a longer name?" I still don't know Rux's last name. Maybe I'm supposed to call Teddy by his last name and he likes something better? But it could be the old fashion in me but I do like knowing last names.

"Tedward Rell, Ma'am. You can call me Teddy just fine."

"Sabali is good on my end. Do you know where I can find some water?"

"We can take care of Ms. Sabali," answered Teddy. He had a stubborn expression and so I just went with Ms. added on the front. Rux left with Teddy giving Asher and me some time alone in the dressing room.

Something about being alone in the room with Asher got me all riled up. I wandered backstage looking for Rux and Teddy but ran into Tucker instead. It's funny Tucker is never working even though he's his manager. Teddy spots me near Tucker smoking backstage. He brings me the water and leads me back to the dressing room.

***

Heat rises from the crowd as they move to the music as one big mass. Cell phone lights shine in the air and almost join the stars in the night sky. Asher shines the brightest of nebulous in a sea of stars. It's the last song to a sold-out show. As I work with him on the song playing rhythm to his lead guitar, I'm feeling it.

This is probably dumb but sometimes I don't fully know when I forget that Asher's a Rock Star. I forget he's a majorly famous award-winning artist who sells out. The screaming fans don't enter my mind at all. All the power and fame that comes with it don't matter because most of the time for me he's just a guy. A mischievous semi-reformed baddie with inky tattoos. But still a guy. Maybe a little bit my guy, maybe a little bit my friend hopefully?

It was a perfect way to end the night. Sometimes things are just right and sometimes you just have to take the win and not overthink it. That is a lesson I need to take to heart more.

"Thank you, everyone. It's my first live concert in a long time," Asher says to the crowd with a crack in his voice. The way he said the word combined with the glitters from the camera flashes in his eyes was so vulnerable. And the fragility of him made me glad I was there. Something about the moment and all the stars in his eyes. All the songs that hadn't been sung yet. The mischievous man that I cared about so much came together on stage. And the crowd went wild.

...typing...

Sabali: I know why the only thing you wanted to do your whole damn life was be on stage.

Covered in sweat and filled with a massive rush of adrenaline after the show. I snapped the picture on stage and sent it to her.

Zoey:...

I wasn't expecting an answer from Zo. Lately, she was busy doing her own thing but I should have had more faith in my best friend.

Zoey: I love you too, and we're going to win together.

A/n: we are wrapping the story up trying to get prep for this watty. Stay with me and share the story. thanks for watching the show.