★ Warning Mature Content ★
Asher Kells is a Rock Star and Rapper, complete with tattoos on nearly every inch of his thickly muscled body. He has a badass ability to play the guitar, and he sang like crush diamonds, amber whiskey, and smoke. While I...
As the Dean made his final statements, I stood off to the side and watched. It was tiring to be at the finish line finally. When I came to this campus, no one knew my name. Then I became Wheelz and now they know who I am. How utterly odd. I feel like the same person but not. Paulie's words from the audition sound more like a curse than an enticing reward. Fame, success, fans, and fortunes await the winning team's contestants. Ever there was a more subtle curse.
The Dean welcomes Professor Cloudon on stage from the music department. A shadow extends growing from my toes. I turn around and Rux's presence is an all too familiar shadow. A huge man, calmly put together. He hands me a letter.
"Congratulations on your graduation, Ms. Sabali." It's funny that I got him saying that to me and not Asher.
"Are you staying?" I ask him and it's odd how I sound. I can hear the yearning to be close to Asher again in whatever way even by Rux proxy. He has this calmness about him that radiates outwards and settles things. He smiled at me and it was a sad smile.
"I need to take a plane to Miami for The Tour." He says. Maybe he spotted the sadness that snuck into my expression before I knew it but he frowned at my expression. I turn the letter end over end unopened in my hand. My eyes were on the letter instead of the man in front of me. I haven't heard from Asher since that night. It isn't surprising I walked out on him. The tour from city to city started the same week to catch the hype train of the show. Filming for the reality tv and streaming event didn't stop either. Even Zoey missed my graduation because of all the tour dates. We barely get to talk but she's happy, and that's what counts. But it's like the impression of Asher is everlasting every time my eyes close for just a second. This is such a happy day. But so damn bittersweet, like burnt honey.
"It's really good to see you, Rux. Thank you for coming." I talk into the letter instead of making eye contact with Rux again and letting him see everything in me. Because Rux looked at people slowly and he always knew the vibe. It was an exposure I couldn't handle today.
"See you next time." It was like Rux knew I couldn't keep the ball rolling on a conversation with him. The part of me that I didn't want him to see was thankful for him not saying more. It was my deepest appreciation that he let me have privacy. When I slip my thumb under the letter ripping the seal. I was thoroughly thankful he wasn't there when I fought back the tears reading the letter. Oh, how those tears desperately wanted to come down.
He gave me the writing credit. Also, my first residuals check.
There are pieces of me that no one will ever reach and places I didn't know existed. I am thankful but I love myself thoroughly. I love myself enough to save myself from you destroying me. The words I repeated again saying them from my chest. I love myself. My only shelter from my inner storm.
I was ready.
"Godspeed written by Frank Ocean arranged by Sabali Lora," the Dean calls my name to end the graduation. On center stage was my mother's organ. Our names were scratched into the side of it. Noah's, the most carefully written, carved into the wood as if it was some grand work of art that should be in a museum. Maurice's name next to Noah, always watching over all of us no matter what it cost him. Zoey's scratched in with wild abandon and barely legible. And my name carved in next to Zo's, my whole family couldn't be here but they were here with me. They will always be here with me because they are my family.
Godspeed written by Frank Ocean arranged by Sabali Lora, was on the last and final studio album of the Kells. The very last track on the tracklist is sung by only Asher Kells. A review of the album by Pitchfork called it, 'one of the best hello's and saddest goodbyes.' With an additional note, the last song on the album hit with 'quiet power.' The YouTube channel, the Needle Drop, gave the album a yellow t-shirt. Then when talking about the last song on the album Anthony Fantano of the Needle Drop was bought to tears. The Kells album is currently up for the Grammys.
It's a small world sometimes. My hand grazes over the top of the wood. Sitting at the organ alone on stage and our lives are moving forward. I sing the first part of the song my, mother would have loved it. The sadness that would have been in my voice was replaced by a half smile.
"You know what Grams said right? In order to make music, you gotta live baby. You live then you come play it for me and Grams at the crossroads. Come sing like I know you can," I could just see the shadow of her big smile. "Sing it beautifully, baby."
"To the class, this year you are fine students who have come to this place of learning. You have expanded your mind. Went to new horizons unafraid. As you go into the future..." The last words of the Dean, "Godspeed."
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