Burning Bridges

Chapter 11

I've felt a lot of things in my life but never numbness. I have been stabbed before, shot, even bitten, but those don't hurt as much as I do now. Maybe it's because this isn't physical pain. It's pain buried deep inside of me.

That lingering soreness of how much of a loser I am. It's that desperate feeling again, but this time, I know that there's no escape. No one is going to save me. I let my gang down. I let my family down. I let myself down.

I let the burning water scald down my back as I showered, hoping it would cause some feeling. But I felt nothing. Because I am nothing. All I do is cause issues. I saw the way they all looked out there, like I was the outsider. They didn't care that Bones started it. All they cared about was the fact that their member was hurt because of me.

That thought should still be hurting me, but I don't feel it anymore. I can barely even feel the water anymore. It just makes me wonder what I'm still doing here. Maybe I should just-

No. I can't think like that anymore. I have to be stronger, not for anyone but myself. I can be a survivor. I won't be another person gone without a purpose. I just have to get through this. But how?

Running is my only option. Changing my name. Wearing disguises. Leaving this city.

Fuck, the city. As much as it causes issues, this is my home. I can't leave it, can I? Do I join another gang? No, look what would happen if I tried to. What if I became a civilian? Get an actual job? No because The Snakes would kill me instantly.

I'm stuck again.

This city may be my only source of happiness, but maybe it's time to let go of it. I don't even deserve to have it. It would be easy for me to leave The Snakes right now since I'm on a mission. I'm so dead.

I would have to disable the tracker on me. Then I would have to look on the rooftops for an exit that hopefully won't kill me. And then I run. It sounds like a lot of bullshit, but I don't really have another option.

I could quit this gang life and find a hobby or something. I wouldn't have to worry about stealing food. I wouldn't have to worry about looking behind my back every five seconds.

Finishing in the bathroom, I scrambled out of the room like I was running a marathon. The energy from my thoughts surged me to get going. But a broad chest stopped my little sprint. Ember. His arms held me steady as I gained the courage to look up at him.

"What are you in the rush for? Were you crying?" Was I? I haven't even noticed.

"N-nothing... Please just let me go!" I tried to break out of his hold, but he was too strong.

"Okay, now I know for sure that something is wrong, I-"

"Please..." I muttered, losing that adrenaline kick.

"Can you at least talk to me for five minutes then I will let you go?"

"Okay." I didn't really have a choice because this was his house.

"How was your morning today?" He began while dragging us to the couch where we sat side by side.

"Fucking awful. Your gang hates me."

"Hate you? They were telling me about how much of a badass you are."

"No, they didn't. I injured Bones, and they-"

"Is that what this is about? You against all of them?"

"I mean I am the enemy. Look at me. I don't even belong here. I'm just a girl and not in my territory."

"Look," he declared while grasping onto my arm. "No one here hates you. They were happy to see Bones put in his place. They admire you." Admire me?

"That's a bunch of bullshit."

"What did Bones say to you? I know that you didn't punch him for no reason."

"Well, he basically said that no one was going to save me. That I had nobody...And he's not wrong-"

"So, he triggered you? That son of a bitch."

"It's not like he would have known...none of you guys would."

"So, enlighten me then. Here, I'll order some pizza and then we will talk more about it."

"With pepperoni?"

"With pepperoni."