Burning Bridges

Chapter 26

The haunting shade of red in the sky has never made me feel this satisfied. A crimson color so sinfully beautiful that I couldn't look away. I've seen it so many times before in the lives I've taken by people without conscience, but I've never been this happy about it before. Fuck happiness, I felt triumpant. Like all of the hard work of kicking ass and sucking up the hurtful comments paid off. Hell, this felt like my happily ever after.

Because it was finally over. The Snakes were over because of me. I fucking did that. The sight of all that Mr. Jones had worked for was up in flames. He had no more power over me. It's crazy how all it took was a single propane tank knocked into their building for their empire to crumble.

Sure, there were some that escaped and some not here, but I did a hell a lot of damage. It would take them awhile to recover, especially if they also had to put up with me. I wasn't letting them off the hook that easily because they should have to pay for what they did.

I've allowed this poor excuse of a gang to push me around all day. Well, not all of them. But nevertheless, I got called out for my hot headedness. For using my emotions and not bottling them up on the inside like they do. They took my control away from me, but not anymore.

I didn't have to succumb to them anymore. I didn't have to listen to their poor excuses and neverending lies. I didn't have to just sit back and let them take over. I was on my own team. Solo. I only have to listen to myself.

Originally, that would make me feel lonely on the inside. But I have wasted so much fucking time on putting others first, like Mr. Jones and Mason. Hell, I put my loyalty above my own life for the longest time. But it didn't matter because they never cared.

Fuck being on a team. I can make my own rules now. It feels nice to have no loyalty to anyone. I could actually leave the city and start new. No one would be able to stop me now. For all I know, The Snakes probably think I was stupid enough to die in this fire because they know for a fact that I started it. How could it not be me? Of course, I would go out in style.

Most of Crown Heights Gang still think I'm just some naive bitch that betrayed them and was stupid enough to go back to The Snakes. Except Jaden. That's still a sore spot for me. He probably thinks I'm good as dead now. There's no way he would take me back anyways.

Jaden claims to know me and understands the things that I do, but how do I explain ditching him for The Snakes after what we had been through? It would be stupid of him to take me back. Jaden once told me that selfishness is our reality. People can't help it because they're afraid to lose whatever they have left.

For some, it's their precious iPhones or their luxurious cars, but for me, it's survival. We cannot always have what we want but rather have to focus on what we need. My time here isn't over yet, so I have to keep living to see the end of it.

I have to put myself first here if I want to survive. Sure, it means losing the most important people in my life, but it also means cutting out those that hurt me. The toxic ones. So, I have to put myself first. I have to continue my selfish lifestyle.

People always assume that those with nothing tend to be selfless if wealthy people live such a selfish lifestyle because they are the opposite of poor. But that's a common misconception for those in the middle of the spectrum because maybe we are all alike after all. Maybe more than people want to believe.

I may not have money or a family or a home anymore, so I cling onto what I have left. I may have burned one too many bridges with the people I had thought cared for me and Jaden, but you have to make sacrifices if you want to survive. And surviving is where I am selfish the most.

People might not understand where I'm coming from with my obsession to survive but fuck them. I did what I had to in order to survive, and I have no remorse for it anymore. Yeah, I might feel bad for the way I treated Jaden, but this will make him learn to find someone who can put him first. I was never going to be that person because I'm way too selfish and am not capable of love.

It could have been something, but our mistakes like to bite us in the ass at the worst times, that being my mistake of joining a gang. Was it a mistake though? I could have been dead by now if I didn't.

But it doesn't matter because I'm way too sober to deal with this right now. Hell, I should be focused on getting out of here, running away before the cops arrive, but all I could focus on was the fire in front of me.

It burned so brightly that my eyes were burning, but I couldn't look away. No, this was a piece of artwork, probably because I started it. It reeked of vengeance and smoke, but I stayed rooted in my place, on the dry asphalt next to the compound.

No one else was in sight to witness this enticing scene, but selfishly, I wanted to experience it all to myself. After all, I am the artist behind this piece of work because the smoke and fire that's bound to die off, claims my victory over The Snakes. I can now be free of them once and for all.

"You bitch!"

But with freedom comes a price to pay for those who got it selfishly.