Burning Bridges

Chapter 17

Blood. That crimson shade exploded everywhere with the sounds of grunts. And to think I liked that shade of red in the sky. Now it disgusts me. Bullets flew everywhere. There were cries. There were screams. There was my heavy breathing. I knocked out everyone in my way but never shot a bullet.

I flew through the swarm of bodies like they irked me. But in reality, I was annoyed with myself. For putting myself in this situation. Just a couple more bodies then it's all done with. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Because all of the chaos ended like a flip of a switch when I found everyone downed except me and my gang. The gang that took my last chance at happiness.

"Well done, Raven. I didn't know you had it in you," Mr. Jones snickered. No, I didn't want to hear his voice. After all of that time without it, I didn't miss it all. "Look at me, darling. Now."

I couldn't because I didn't want him to see the grief on my face. I didn't want him to see my weakness, but orders were orders. Looking up at him with a bloody face, I was surprised to see Jaden standing behind him. Fuck, Ember. I don't have the right to call him his real name anymore.

I kept a straight face and stared intensely at my leader. The one who saved me because I couldn't bear to look at Ember anymore. How could I when I betrayed him? How could I when I played with his emotions? How could he still look at me with that intense longing for one another?

I was attracted to him. I wanted to be next to him and wrap ourselves away from our worries. Too bad my gang stood in the way of that happening. Literally. Ember shouldn't be here right now, but I should have known that he would. It was his gang territory after all.

And that's where we stand. Territory. Ours were different because we had different loyalties. How can I be loyal to Ember when I betrayed him like this? I had to shut my eyes to quench the tears that threatened to break. It would be more embarrassing to cry in front of Ember than my own gang.

"Violet." It didn't sound like a demand coming from him, almost like desperation. I opened my eyes to The Snakes now on the ground, but all I could focus on was his tone. How sad it sounded. It was like he tried to stay neutral, but I could hear, no feel, the emotions trying to break free.

All he had to do was say my name, and a tear broke loose. I couldn't force my eyes to meet his, but I could feel his gaze on me. How can I look him in the eyes when I did what I did?

"How dare you call her that!" Mr. Jones barked out from the ground. I glanced over at him to find a bullet wound in his collarbone. How the mighty have fallen. But I have to go down with him because that's what you do for your gang. I'm already this far in.

"Violet," he demanded this time, but if you listened carefully, you could hear the voice crack. I couldn't look at him like his voice demanded me to do. I was never able to lie directly to his face like that. I never could because my emotions would get the best of me.

"What are you doing, Raven?!" My gang leader shouted out in shock, practically expecting me to do something. After all, I started this, so I should be able to finish this. But how do I look him in the eyes and end this all?

I was never confident in my actions like how some people expect me to be. I'm weak. I can't even look Ember in the eyes because I broke that unspoken vow. Was it even a vow to begin with? He never promised that he would be there for me because he didn't look me in the eyes when he agreed to it.

Maybe we are alike after all because I can't lie and look at him at the same time. Our attraction to one another was broken. Like the magnet was swept under a dusty fridge from where it used to lay. Our attraction was abandoned like the magnet because how can you like someone when you're not loyal to them?

It wasn't just abandoned. It was destroyed. Viciously and utterly destroyed. Like everything else in my life, I destroyed something. I was stupid enough to think that I could create something. How could I when all I was a monster? The villain of the story.

I was crazy to think I could be unscathed from this. To think that I could escape being the villain, but how can I escape the role I was meant to have? Gangs don't tell you this directly, but you become the villain. You make vile choices to stay alive because you're selfish. Just like it was selfish of me to like Ember in the first place. Sure, I couldn't help myself, but it's because selfishness is in my nature.

That's all I know how to be. It's all I will ever be because there's no end to this. I can't escape this. There's always going to be another gang in the way. There's always going to be violence because that's the reality of gangs. I'm stuck forever. That truth hurts more than any other bullet wound because this damage is never ending. It's an eternal feeling that no Band-Aid can fix. This is my life, and it will always be this way.

There is no end, unless I end it now. I have to be strong for this. For myself. Another selfish action, but that's all I am now. That's all I ever was. With my new profound confidence, I peered up at Ember only to find him staring back at me like I had imagined. He kept a neutral face, but his eyes said it all. They made me want to apologize and fix the mess I made because they looked just so...abandoned. Lost, like he doesn't know what to do with his life anymore. That sent another anxious feeling to my gut.

Did I look the same? Did we both look lost? I was never found to begin with. All I could focus on was the emotion in his eyes. That deep shade of blue caressed by betrayal. That longing from before was gone because he was stuck, just like I always was.

But as I looked in my peripheral vision, I noticed a gun being pointed at Ember. No, I promised I would save him. On an impulse, I jumped in the line of the bullet and stumbled to the ground.

But I felt no pain. It's a feeling I've rarely experienced before. Numbness. Ember stood in front of me, probably to finish me off. I would let him willingly; I've begun to understand. I would be selfless for once in my life if it meant Ember was happy. But it was too late for me to tell him that because the darkness took over.