Not good for you

42;

We didn't sleep that night.

We were sitting on the hood of his car, just like when we did it on our way to Cannon Beach, and we talked. A lot.

He had told me almost everything about his childhood. He had shared with me his best memories of Alexa and couldn't wipe the smile off his face whenever he was talking about him.

He had told me about his life becoming darker and colorless after her mother's death. He had told me that he could spend hours in his room, just sitting on his bed and staring at the wall. Feeling nothing but emptiness.

I hadn't interrupted him once. I kept my head up and listened to him talking. He might have never talked to me that much than now and I was fine with that.

I wouldn't have gone anywhere anyway.

Not after last night.

Not after he revealed his trauma to me which was a huge step for him.

I would never leave his side from now on, not only because it was a decent thing to do but because he trusted me enough to tell me everything about his life.

And I wanted to show him that I trusted him just as much and I would never judge him for being the way he has been.

Now that I've heard everything, I looked at him differently. Suddenly his mood changes, his distant moments... they all make sense now.

I just wished that he would have told me sooner so that we could have avoided those arguments that we have had.

"Seeley?" I asked, my head resting on his shoulder while we were watching the sun rising from the dark ocean.

"Yes?" His voice was calm and cracked from crying last night.

"When we were at the bar last night... you told me that it was hard to do." I said with a frown and he looked down at me. "What were you talking about?"

Seeley turned to the orange sun, breaking and chasing away the darkness above us.

"I talked about letting you go." He said quietly and my heart skipped a beat.

I didn't know what to say. I had such a hard time making him believe that I'd never leave him because being alone in a world like this was the worst kind of punishment for him.

And now he was debating whether he had to let me go or not?

The lines have been blurred so much that I felt like drowning. Why did he feel the need to let go of me?

We have had our ups and downs but that didn't mean we couldn't evolve to be the best version of ourselves.

"Why?"

Seeley rubbed the side of his cheek and took my hand into his, softly caressing my knuckles with his thumb.

I wished I could understand him more but a part of me was afraid of the rawness of his devastating thoughts. He could barely smile since last night, not that it wasn't understandable why was he so shut off.

"Because I love you, Heds." He said and my world stopped spinning. "I always have. Ever since I ruined your Chemistry project years ago."

No one existed at that moment I felt like my heart was about to burst through my chest. No one has ever told me that they loved me.

It felt surreal and chased all my worries away. I would have never thought that those words held so much power.

"After you kissed me when we lost our match, I was happy. So happy that I hadn't felt in a long time." He said and my throat tightened, guilt gripping at it. "It felt like a dream coming true. I had thought that you finally saw me, really saw me, and also felt the same. I was about to tell you how I felt when you ran away. That moment my heart was broken only seconds after you put it back together."