Not good for you

50;

The sun was warming my skin which was barely covered by my blue short dress.

We started walking to the ocean where a lot of people were getting lost in the water and laughing.

"You've been very distant with me." He said after a few minutes of walking in silence.

I pushed my hair over my shoulder and narrowed my eyes to protect my sight from the shining sun.

"I needed to think." I admitted and he looked down at me.

"And what do you say now?" He asked, afraid of my answer.

I took a sharp breath, feeling the weight of our future on my shoulders. It was now or never.

"We don't work, Seeley." I said and stopped walking.

His face flinched slightly before turning back to me with exhausted eyes.

Whenever I saw his vulnerable side that he hasn't shown to anyone else – maybe Clara whose attitude still made my blood boil – made me wonder if I was doing the right thing.

I didn't want to be the one to break his heart.

His sister's and mother's deaths already broke him and the reveal of Perkyn being his brother just pushed him under the water even more.

But I needed to get things straight with him to find peace within myself.

"What do you mean we don't work?" He asked with confusion and hesitation. "We were never together, you can't know that just by having sex with me."

I felt bad for him by seeing how much he has been trying to hold onto something that could save him.

I wanted to be the person to save him from his demons but I wasn't that strong.

And with time I realized that I shouldn't be the one to fix him to be the right man for me. It was all up for him but I also didn't want to have accountancy in it.

I didn't want to be another direction he could go from hiding himself.

I wanted to be someone's significant other and not just an emotional punchbag.

I wanted to laugh not cry my eyes out.

He narrowed his eyes a little as he was studying my face, eager for any reaction from me.

"Am I... that bad in bed?" He asked, losing his confidence in his physical tactics. "I didn't make you feel good?"

I shook my head, my face blushing that I made him question himself about his sexual skills. Because he knew what to do.

"No! Nothing like that." I said. "It was good... more than good to sleep with you."

He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Then?"

I dropped my hand while I tried to think of the best approach. I didn't expect him to accept my answer immediately but his confusion still baffled me.

"Just look at us." I gestured with my hand between us and he dropped his gaze to it before his eyes flickered back to me. "We can always fight about something. And all thanks for your over possessiveness and jealousy."

He seemed to register what I just said which was a good thing. I didn't want him to blow up into my face, not on our last day here.

Once we left Cannon Beach, I never wanted to hear about any of this ever again. And I wanted him to know that and feel the weight of our mixed friendship.

"I'm sorry if I ever hurt your feelings which I have but that was never my intention." He touched my arm softly and I pressed my lips together.

I didn't like it when he touched me when we were having a serious conversation since his touch still made my skin burn.