Not good for you

44;

I tried to sleep, but my thoughts wouldn't stop racing in my mind. I kept tearing myself apart over whether I wanted to start another serious relationship, and I felt sick for putting myself in a situation like that. My heart ached for Seeley and the life he'd had to endure. No one deserves to go through something like that, and on top of it, he fled into an abusive relationship. I didn't think I could ever forgive myself for that. However, Perkyn felt like a dream come true. He was a little awkward but funny and always made sure I felt good about myself. He never missed a chance to make me food, which was still something new and incredible to experience. He cared for me, but Seeley has been in love with me for years now.

I felt I owed Seeley that, but then I reminded myself it wouldn't be fair to choose him if I weren't devoted to our relationship. We'd be running in circles; I would choose him out of pity rather than genuine love. However, if I had chosen Perkyn, we wouldn't have spent much time together since we lived in different towns. Meeting on weekends might work, but eventually, I'd want to live with my boyfriend. Could I imagine moving here if things went that far? I had no idea.

I never thought I'd find myself in this situation, having to choose between two boys who wanted the best for me, despite my flaws and repeated mistakes.

The fact that they were brothers added to the complications. I knew they didn't know each other, and I wasn't sure if they would ever reach out – knowing Seeley, he probably wouldn't. But I didn't think it was my place to jeopardize their chance of being brothers someday.

Three soft knocks pulled me from my heavy thoughts, dragging me back into a maze of questions and heartbreak.

"Yes?"

The door opened to reveal Seeley's worn and tired face. Dark circles under his eyes made me wonder if he had managed to sleep a little or if he'd been awake the entire time since we got home.

"Can I come in?"

I sat up and pulled my legs to my chest.

"Yes, of course."

He gave me a shy nod before closing the door and walking in. To my surprise, he walked to me and sat at the foot of my bed, not far from my legs.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, even though his face told me everything.

He turned to me and shrugged.

"I'll live." His voice was deep and hollow.

I would do anything to bring back the smile on his face, but it seemed impossible to get his mind to switch off for even a minute.

"Were you talking with Leigh?" he asked. "I heard you talking with someone on the phone about an hour ago."

I leaned back and dropped my eyes to my hands resting in my lap. Should I tell him I had been talking to his brother? Would that mean I had betrayed him? I could only hope he had calmed down a bit by now.

"No, I uh... Perkyn called me to see if I was okay," I admitted, a little apprehensive about his reaction.

He stared at me with an unreadable expression before frowning.

"Why wouldn't you be?" he asked sharply.

I hugged my knee as his gaze bore into my soul, so much for peace.

"You don't need to be like that; he was just—"

He sighed and buried his face in his hands.

"No, I want to know what gave that jerk the right to think that I was a threat to you." He shifted so that his body was facing me.

I was too confused to understand his sudden outburst. Perkyn had every right to call me after seeing Seeley's breakdown, but he could also call me about anything else.