The Greatest Mind I Ever Knew

Chapter 29: Purging

As you can imagine, Lotan and I didn't move house that day. We did, however, have no choice but to do the horrible job the very next day because our landlord wouldn't extend our lease, even after I'd explained to him in my sweetest voice that Lotan needed to rest. His reply was a gruff, 'Ain't my problem, doll. A pretty bird like you has friends what'll help ya, I'm sure. Be out by three tomorra.'
               So after a very awkward Saturday with Lotan, which he mostly spent sleeping off the alcohol, then mourning his piano in the bathroom and refusing to talk to me for the rest of the day, we woke up on Sunday in the same bed, but with a foot of cold space between us. And after staring at the ceiling in silence for ages, both of us aware that the other was awake but neither of us willing to speak, Joshua began to babble in his cot. So I slowly sat up, yawning, peeled back the covers and went to greet him. That was when Lotan said quietly,
'Bonjour.'
'Morning.'
               I pattered over to the cot and lifted Joshua out of it. I brought him back to the bed so I could sit down and feed him. Lotan watched me, and when Joshua was happily drinking away he stroked his dark hair and said,
'Joshua is beautiful in the morning, yes? His, er, er, hairs, is very silly, I think to say. Very, er, stick out.'
'Yeah.' I nodded and stroked our baby's curly, crazy morning hair around his ears. Lotan often woke up looking the same, and I took great joy in running my hands through his thick waves to tame it. But that morning I didn't.
               For a while we were silent again. But eventually Joshua's peaceful little body, held up by my arms and caressed by Lotan's hand, paired with the pleasant scent of the man beside me and the knowledge that he had given me this gift, made me give in. With a sigh I said, 'I want us to get along, Lotan.'
               He paused, then nodded and shuffled closer to my side.
'Me too. I like when we are close, Olivia.'
               For the first time that morning I finally looked over at my fiancé, and saw a humble, handsome, hopeful face looking back at me. Relaxing, I smiled and said,
'Me too.'
               He smiled back.
'Good, good, my love. This is good. Er,' he rubbed his eyes, 'and, I think, yesterday was very hard day, for me, er, not only. For you also, was hard. I'm sorry of this mess downstairs. I will tidying today the piano.'
'Okay,' I said, 'but I don't mind it, actually. The mess kind of reminds me how strong you were yesterday, Lotan, when you smashed it up. You were so determined. And you did a very good thing for me and Joshua when you broke it. There's nothing in between us anymore.'
               Lotan watched my face closely while I spoke. Then he nodded and replied,
'This is good. Very good. I want you to be happy, dear lady, always. And, this is why today we move houses, yes? You still want?'
'What?' I almost laughed. 'Lotan, we can't! Dad's out of town and you still look tired -'
'No, no, I am okay!' he assured me with a nod. 'I am okay, Olivia. I, er, er, what is word, I have responsibilities, I must do. I must giving you and Joshua a home, so today, we have our new house!'
               While Lotan spoke he got out of bed and pulled on some jeans and a t-shirt. I shook my head at him in disbelief, but he only added, 'I was very bad for you this last few days, Olivia. I was selfish, and, er, er, not take care of myself. But I am better now, and I cherish you very much again. So, er, stay here, in bed, and I make us coffee and toasts. Then we move houses.'
               Before I could thank him he went downstairs, humming to himself.
'Well,' I remember thinking happily, 'at least we don't have to worry about moving that damn piano anymore!'

Lotan treated me to a lazy morning in bed before we started. Most of the work had already been done: all our belongings were boxed up with only the essentials remaining, so after marmalade toast for breakfast and playing around with little Joshua for a while, Lotan started on moving/unbuilding the last of the furniture, while I packed away everything else I could see. To my surprise it didn't take us more than a few hours! Lotan had needed some help with the last few bookcases and the bed, but he refused to ask for any until I couldn't stand the sound of his groans and French swearing under his breath anymore, and forced him to let me help. But with every beam of wood that shifted, and every screw that fell, Lotan gasped and asked me instantly, 'You are okay, my love? You are hurt, no?' It was quite sweet actually.
               Then we loaded up my little car (Lotan had bought me a Fiat to get myself and Joshua around in - finally, we owned a car with backseats!) and Lotan drove it back and forth between our house and the new one until the last set of boxes were packed away inside it. It was nice to work as partners, just the two of us. Lotan seemed to cheer up more and more as the morning went on, and even little Joshua kept giggling as he watched us organise and tidy and lift and pack as if he could tell a new sense of peace had entered the house! The old sense of unity had returned.
               But 3pm swung around so quickly that Lotan and I barely had time to say goodbye to our old house before we had to leave it! The most we could do was turn back and take one last look from the kerb before we left.
               I smiled reminiscently at our green front door: a place where so many memories had been made: and said,
'I remember the first time I ever saw this house, Lotan.'
               He put an arm around my shoulders.
'For a date, yes?'
'Yeah.' I said happily. 'You invited me over and you cooked for me - do you remember that? You made that sliced potatoes thing you like. We haven't had that for ages, actually.'
'Ah, yes!' Lotan recalled, looking down at me and kissing my temple. 'Gratin Dauphinois! This is my favourite, I think. I remember this day now, Olivia. You came over and I was very many nervous. I, er, er, making the house tidy, I hope, but I was very scared you will thinking is too, er, small, or, er, boring, or plain.'
               I smiled up at him contentedly.
'You didn't seem nervous.' I reassured him. 'I remember you were a perfect gentleman! You kept offering me drinks and telling me to make myself at home. And,' I grinned and lowered my voice, 'I remember wondering if you were going to try and make love to me.'
'No.' Lotan breathed out, shocked. 'No, Olivia! We had only dating a few weeks, at this time!'
               I laughed and cuddled up to Lotan's chest.
'I know,' I told him, 'and I wasn't ready for it yet either, so I was glad you didn't ask! You were only sweet and kind to me that day. And, baby, that showed me you weren't like all the other guys I'd dated who just wanted me for my body. You wanted me for me.'
               Lotan relaxed and kissed my head again.
'Well,' he sighed, looking back up at the house, 'I'm happy I am good for you, ma chérie. Is funny, I feel more, er, er, safe, now, than inside! Because I am with you, I mean. How I can say... You are my home, Olivia.'
               I was touched by that, deeply. Lotan seemed to feel it, so when I looked up at him he lowered his head and slowly kissed me.
               'You are my home too, Lotan.' I told him afterwards in a whisper, stroking the side of his face. He smiled, holding me close, and pecked my lips again. Then he exhaled, looked back up at the house and said,
'I think I still missing this house, sometimes.'
'Me too. We've made lots of memories here, haven't we? Lots of firsts.'
'Oh yes.' Lotan agreed. 'But we will making more.'
               Him and I spent one more minute looking nostalgically up at our little terraced house before climbing into our cars, and slowly driving away.