You're the One

-22-

The sweat was dripping from Chan, as he made the last repetition in his set. While he waited for his trainer, he had started a full body work out. His warm up had been on the treadmill, and he had gone too fast from the beginning, wanting to run away from all the bullshit in his life. It felt good to run and turn all his frustration into movement. Lifting weights, he tapped into his anger, pushing his body to it's limits. Hopelessly he kept repeating in his mind how he needed to be stronger, better for his kids. His kids. How could JYP expect him to choose between two of his kids? His friends?

Chan had gone through loosing members three times. The first and second time, he had felt guilty for not supporting Minho and Felix enough. The third time he had felt disappointed and betrayed. But it had never been Chan's choice in any way, to loose members, so his job had been to make the best of a bad situation. He had worked behind the scenes to keep the kids together, and he had managed the first two times, but he couldn't think of a way to sway Mr. Park this time.

Jisung or Minho?

Every time he lifted the barbells, the words repeated themselves in his head. Jisung or Minho? Jisung or Minho? Jisung or Minho? He kept pushing himself, hoping that his mind would give him a pause at some point. He wanted to be comfortable numb, and stop thinking. To stop feeling.

When his trainer finally showed up, Chan was more than ready for him. He told his boxing instructor that he wanted to go hard. His trainer took one look at his body covered in sweat and saw the urgency in his eyes. "OK, then. Show me what you've got," the former professional boxer said. "If you want to, we can push you close to your breaking point today." "Kinda already there, mate. But let's go there physically as well," Chan replied with a determined nod.

The next hour he systematically drained the last of his physical energy, with the help of his trainer. They sparred at first and Chan hit the cushioned gloves the trainer was holding, again and again. From time to time, Park Jin-young's face seemed to appear in front of his target. Whenever it happened, Chan found some extra strength and hit it with all his force. He wanted to pound the old man to a pulp. Asking him to get rid of Jisung or Minho? Asshole!!

After finishing the training with Chan going all out on the punching bag, Chan's whole body was aching. "I don't know what you're going through right now, but the man I've gotten to know this past year has the strength to work it out. I believe in you." The kind words from the trainer warmed Chan who thanked him and bowed. It felt good hearing that someone believed in him, even though the man had no idea what an impossible burden had been laid upon him.

That night Chan was unable to sleep. He suffered from insomnia most nights, now there just was a good reason for sleep to evade him. The exercise earlier in the day had made him exhausted and his mind had been blessedly empty for a few hours. He had avoided the rest of the band members, knowing he wasn't good company in his current state. Lying in bed gave his body some much needed rest, but his brain was racing.

Minho. The guy was super talented when it came to everything related to dance and choreography. He always worked hard, and he was a good instructor. Minho wasn't the kind of person to only focus on looking good himself, but a team player wanting Stray Kids to look good whenever they performed. Singing wasn't his passion, even though he had a beautiful voice, and Chan was OK with that. After all, he had to distribute lines between eight people.

Eight people. Chan closed his eyes, feeling his heart ache and panic lurking. His mind raced on, agonizing him.

Jisung – his co-producer. Jisung was the closest to an all-rounder in k-pop Chan had ever seen. He was such an all-rounder he was practically a perfect sphere at this point. He had the looks, the moves, the voice, the range, the creativity, the words. To loose him, would be to loose a major asset.

And Minho? Minho was the mom of the group, if Chan counted as their dad. He could always depend on Minho to take charge and keep the others in check when it was needed. People that didn't know Minho might think that he was uncaring and cold at first, but that simply wasn't true. He cared for all the members, but preferred to do it low key, in more subtle ways.

His mind kept jumping back and forth between the two without stop. How could Stray Kids survive without Minho or Jisung? Was it even possible? Could they adjust to even this? The vocal line had gone from three til two. They had managed somehow.

Chan didn't feel so sure this time. Losing another member would be to lose part of Stray Kid's soul. And what would happen to Minsung if one of them continued in Stray Kids, but the other had to go? Chan had to believe that Minsung would prevail- they were soulmates after all. With horror Chan realized that Minsung might be enough of a package deal that they might loose them both.

The thoughts kept tormenting him trough the night, making him feel lost and helpless.

He had 12 days left to decide.