" i'm here and you're here. "
sim jaeyun / park sunghoon ♡
𝙞𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝,
an unexpected friendship blossoms between two boys, and they begin to realise that they are more similar than they anticipated.
@JJAEYUN - 2022/2023
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tw: subtle self-harm
♡♡♡
"how could you?? come home looking like that after completing disappearing!!" his mother shouted.
disappeared? jake escaped this hell hole, he did not disappear.
"and since when did you decide to give a fuck?!" he angrily said, the words burning his throat on the inside.
"did any one of you even think about calling me? texting me? or even say good morning to me?! I'm obviously not even here to you, am i a fucking ghost or something to you?" he sighed deeply, trying his absolute hardest to hold in the tears that would spill out any second now.
"watch your language. i have gotten multiple calls from school about your unknown absences. I'm seriously disappointed in you sim jaeyun, no, I'm furious with you,"
"oh so my attendance is the only important thing here.. huh?" he said through gritted teeth.
"and now you come home looking like that?" she said pointed directly at his hair.
"what's nexts? tattoos and piercings?"
"for gods sake.. are you even listening to me???" jake absolutely lost it this time, no one was paying an ounce of attention to what he had to say, his brother stood idle, silent and mindless. his mother was completely ignoring his opinions and emotions and his father, he couldn't care less about where he was because he knew he would just say the same things his mother was spitting out at him.
"and you.." he said slowly under his breath, in the direction of his brother.
"is it that difficult to reply to my messages? call me back? and talk to me? did you all decide to collectively hate me all of a sudden? am i even your brother anymore??" he spat out venom, the emotions welling up from so deeply inside of him.
his own brother went silent, as if he wasn't already.
"do you have to fucking shut me out... what did i ever do to deserve this..?" his voice cracked and so did his patience.
jake's belongings had been dumped by the door and abandoned since the beginning of the argument, his eyes were beginning to get puffy and his mouth felt dry. the air was heavy and thick all over, the weight on his shoulders was building up like that dream he had..
"this behaviour will not be tolerated! you disgust me." his own mother bitterly said, eyes bloodshot.
"it's my life...why can't you understand that?? you have barely even tried to be involved in it so why do you even bother anymore..?" he replied looking directly at the woman he called his mother.
"I'm fucking sick of this place." he whispered to himself as his pushed through his family members and headed straight to his room, slamming the door behind him and locking it immediately.
♡♡♡
did he overdo it?
fuck.
jake found himself staring at his own face in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. salty liquid trailed down his complexion, he couldn't even bring himself to wipe them away - just letting them run down and absorb into his shirt. he stared harder at himself, eyes becoming strained, feeling completely out of place, stuck. stuck in this house. stuck with people who didn't want to try and understand him.
he grabbed his hair, feeling the tightness of his grip tug at the strands - he wanted to pull his hair out. he wanted to scream and blame someone for everything he was feeling in this moment. he sat down on the cold bathroom floor. curling his body up into a ball.
and his head felt like it had exploded.
letting out hollow, empty cries, a mixture of mumbled words and hiccups - muffled by the shirt he dug his face into. wrapping his arms around his small body, in an attempt of self-comfort. it didn't work. he had told almost everything to his mother, and yet they seemed to completely disregard it and focus on his behaviour? his stupid school attendance? he had missed two days, he could easily catch up, the term had barely started.
he loved the way his hair turned out, but just thinking about the way his mother had yelled at him for it, minutes before made him hate it. if there was a stronger word for hate, that is would jake was feeling. he resented his family more than he thought he ever could, he didn't want to, he wanted to be loved and accepted by them but that was clearly impossible.
so, he was alone in this. all alone. just himself. so lonely.
he'd have to find that acceptance somewhere else. and he found it in sunghoon. he found warmth and comfort in that boy. something he'd barely felt before, to be held and told that everything's going to be okay. he's never had that before. and every single thought in his head told him that it was his fault, that something was wrong with him and that he didn't deserve any bit of it. he wasn't himself anymore, he didn't even know who he was anymore.
he didn't understand how his own family could be so cruel and unbothered. he couldn't remember the last time someone told him they loved him. and truly meant it. by now, his shirt was drenched and his face was a crimson red. he was so frustrated and disgusted, digging his nails into his skin, letting the pain distract his thoughts for just a second. he dug them deeper till a stinging pain flooded through his body. he winced but didn't care.
the only thing on his mind was sunghoon. and right now, he would die over and over, indefinitely, just to be with that boy. that boy with dark hair, with moles speckled on his face, with soft gentle hands, with a mellow and light personality. he just wanted to not be lonely.
