The Darkness Of Healing // Ruel // English

Chapter 38

I can't tell from the look on Nate's face if he's visited Ruel before after he woke up from the coma. I don't know if I put it out of my memory on purpose or if I surely don't remember. I can't seem to pull up images of seeing him enter the hospital during times other than when Ruel was in a coma. The manager looks somewhat shocked at the boy in front of him in the hallway, but I still see a satisfied look in his eyes. Perhaps it is a shock to see him standing without help from anything, just in the flesh, all under his own power. It makes us all proud.

Then Nate and Ruel finally embrace each other.

Nate: "You look good," compliments Nate Ruel. He looks very healthy indeed today. In any case, the bags under his eyes have disappeared, that already helps a lot. He seems a little less skinny, if it strikes me then it certainly strikes someone who has not seen him for a long time. "She took good care of you." Nate's gaze moves in my direction as he gives me a small smile.

Ruel: "She certainly did. I'm glad she was with me."

I'd rather hide behind the front door that I still keep open, just hide and let my heart cool down. Unfortunately there is glass in the door so there is no point in running and hiding my red cheeks.

It's like walking into some kind of work meeting. Especially now that I bring drinks to the table with Kate.

Inside of me there is a kind of struggle about whether I should be present or not. I can, but I don't know if I want to involve myself in those things of touring and making music. It's not my choice, my opinion is irrelevant. What is relevant is the opinion of Ruel himself, that of his manager, his physio and that of his parents.

The round table in the kitchen makes the conversation feel less like a debate. It is often that two opinions are opposed to each other. I just think there are more factors here to make the right decision, if it's made today anyway.

There is a somewhat nervous atmosphere in the house. Under the table I squeeze Ruel's hand next to me, hoping he knows his nerves are seen by me and he can let them go. Before I can pull my hand away, he has already taken my hand in his. I can feel the tension in his muscles as he holds it tight.

Physio: "What I would recommend is a year of complete rest, that's the best." The physio replies as he turns his attention to everyone and no one in particular. "But if I see you like this, stubborn, I'll give you two months until you're fully physically stronger." The almost liberating words to Ruel make him relax and his grip loosens. His shoulders drop slightly. "You are still young, you can handle a lot. But in all cases keep listening to yourself, physically and mentally. It will not always be easy."

I keep my attention on Ruel, the others don't bother me so much. What matters is what he thinks about this. His eyes meet mine as he turns to me. He seems to be seeking some sort of answer from me. I notice the small twitch of the muscles in his chin, indicating that he is trying to hold back tears, making it difficult for me to gauge what exactly he thinks of this statement. Somehow I find relief but also confrontation. It's not just over and cured and I think that realization has come in.

Nate: "And what's your take on the amount. Can it all be scheduled consecutively or do we need to plan rest days between each show?" Nate asks when no one else opens their mouths.

It's a good question. I would already find it difficult to perform day after day. There is so much that comes at you on such a day and you have to process it all on that little bit of sleep you can get. You get energy from your fans, but if it were up to me I would still be completely exhausted at the end of the day. Maybe that's why I'm not made for this industry. I know it did Ruel a lot of good.

Fysio: "That is not entirely on me to determine. But if you schedule many shows in a row, I would take more days as rest breaks than before. It also takes some time getting used to it."