ALL I EVER NEED | PANSY PARKINSON

Prologue

“I’m not ready. I want to find myself without you, because as cruel as it may sound, I just realized it now, and I’m really sorry for stringing you along. I shouldn’t have involved myself in a relationship where I’m not whole and I want to be okay, to be okay with myself, without you.”

That bloody letter keeps me up every night, always hating myself for shedding tears for a pathetic excuse of a human being.

For what reason I’m still holding on to that person is beyond me. She broke me, she made my feelings irrelevant as she stomped it with her farewell letter that made my heart clench and broke into millions of pieces. She didn't had the decent to say it to my face, I scoffed before rolling my eyes.

I shouldn’t have expected anything, shouldn’t have thought of a lifetime with her, I shouldn’t have spent my time planning for our future together. Maybe if I didn’t, It wouldn’t hurt like this. It wouldn’t hurt to remember the days where we were happy just by talking, gazing at each other. It won’t hurt like this.

I’m numb, numb through the pain that she brought me, but I can’t bring myself to hate her. I can’t bring myself to not think about her as if she’s not once a part of my life. She brought me life when I’m felt like I was dead. Dead from the pain that the world gave me. Dead from the weight of commands that the people gave me. When I felt like killing myself from the weight, she came along. She made me realize that there’s hope for me. That waiting never meant for it to be agonizing, to be frustrating. Waiting meant to be a thousand times better when you think that there’s hope, that there's someone up there who has plans for you and you just have to wait. To prepare.

But now that she’s gone, how am I supposed to go on? How am I supposed to live? When the person who truly gave me hope, gave me inspiration, abandoned me for herself. To fix herself.

Maybe I am being selfish. I should just have to let her be. But it still hurts to think about, it always brought me to tears. Maybe just maybe, in the future when she’s ready, she’ll come back to me. But that's just a wishful thinking. I chuckled at the absurd thoughts running in my mind as I wipe my tears. There’s no time for me to dwell on things that will never happen. I have things to do and that’s to pack my shit for the boarding school that my parents transferred me to.

I didn’t put up a fight when they told me. I know it hurts them to see me like this, like a dead person walking. That’s why they wanted to shift me off there, saying it’s for the best.

Maybe it is for the best. I wanted to go far away. Far away from America, far away from her. Far away from the places that we go to. And Hogwarts never been appealing to me as it was before when my parents talked about their time there.

Maybe there, I’ll be free, free from all the pain. It maybe not be a walk in the park but I’ll make it through. I hope.

“Are you ready?” A voice from the door brought me back to my senses, and with a tight smile that I’ve been practicing for months, I replied.

“I hope so.”