King of the Castle

No Ragrets

I listened to nothing but Folklore while I wrote this chapter.

The whole way back to the Villa (three steps, the challenge area is literally just around the front door), there's a foreboding tension. Tough for there not to be.

There was another secret after mine, but like ... yeah ... nothing's going to top that. I feel ... just destroyed. In a way ... I don't know, it's like being back in that moment. Of finding them, or it all coming crashing down on me again; the truth, the lies, the devastation.

I prefer revenge with less murder, but I seriously Gone Girl-ing them over the John Tucker Must Die approach.

Shockingly, shockingly, Priya is my biggest ally right now. She comes to me, arm over me, and it's like she's shielding me from the hard, questioning looks from the other's; from the judgements and the stares.

When we get back, we're told we've got about forty-five minutes to ourselves before we'll be separated for dinner, and then have to get ready for the evening. So. It's clear this time is just to get shots of Bobby and I reacting to the new news. He'll speak to the lads and say all these things about doubting us and the relationship, and they'll say their piece, and I'll explain myself to the girls as best as I can, and they'll back me up, and then it won't be resolved until tonight when it will come to a head between Bobby and I.

And that will be the moment. The make or the break. Will Geobby survive this? Will they make it through? Place your bets now.

I wouldn't be so fucking worried if it wasn't for the fact that this might put Lucas off either. He's my back up, but if I'm suddenly a pariah, then he won't want to ally himself with me. I could also lose Gary, too. My back-up-back-up.

Not only have I not treated him well (still, it's what he deserves by being a man child), but he's clearly fine enough to fuck whatever tramp falls his way.

I mean Marisol, of course, not me. I'm different.

To my surprise, when I get into the Villa, Lottie doesn't come near me. I'm left with only Priya and Hope as Marisol and Lottie end up joining the throng of boys to debrief at the fire pit. Bobby is sitting centre stage, and from where I am sat, I am facing him directly opposite.

We're about a hundred yards away, but our bodies are still pointed to one another, like a tight piece of string is keeping us linked; it's stretched out so tight that neither of us can turn away. He's got on his sunglasses and I've got on mine, and despite us being so far apart, in different circles of people, I feel he is as I am. Stuck and unable to look away from beneath the black shades.

"That was a fucking trip," Priya says. She reaches over to give my arm a small stroke. "How are you feeling, Gee?"

I take a deep breath as I stare across the garden. There's a heavy sting within my chest that I can't place. I literally haven't felt this way since all the drama was happening.

Hope is just here for gossip, that much is true, but since I would do the exact same thing, I can't fault her.

"I..." I say, my voice faltering. My water bottle is in hand, and I curl my fingers around it even tighter. "I don't think I'm feeling great."

"Yeah, I'll bet ... but you can tell Bobby the truth, he'll understand."

"No."

It's sharp. Unmistakeable. Forbidding.

"I'm not using that as an excuse," I say, and before I fucking know it, there're ... there are tears - actually, genuine tears - pooling in my eyes. I bite my tongue, prodding it into the side of my cheek, lips pursed, as I push through this. I'm not weak. This isn't me.