The Lies I Believed

Do You Love Me?

I decided not to go out with Asher at the last minute. I chose to look at the buildings I'd picked out a couple of days ago. Plus, I couldn't be out of town when the kids got out of school. Who knows what crazy people are out there? I know Ian would watch them, but Jennifer and I aren't on the best of terms right now. She still hasn't apologized for leaving Dominic alone. I know she was busy, but if he had died, I would have handed her a one-way ticket straight to Hell. Forget prison. Anyone who dares to leave a child alone without knowing what they're getting into deserves death.

When my children returned home, I left Vincent in charge, while I dropped by the store. Making steak fettuccine was on my mind all day. I was in need of more fettuccine with how much my kids eat. They don't take well to steak, so I would have to pick up some shrimp, too.

I was in and out of the store in record time. Asher wasn't due back from Brooklyn for another two hours. I guess something was wrong with production. That gives me more time to figure out what I'm going to say to him when finally he returns home. He's going to be in for a rude awakening. I'm going to prove to him that I'm not delusional. I never was.

"Mom, when's Dad coming back?" Vincent asked.

"Uh...in about an hour. Maybe..." I glanced at my watch. "Have you done your homework?"

"Yes..."

"What about Jasmine? I told her she couldn't use her tablet if she hasn't."

"I'll go check. Does that mean I can play the game?"

"Sure. If Jas hasn't done her homework, you stay with her until she does. If I find out she's missing another assignment, no--"

"Video games for two weeks. I got it, Mom." Vincent grinned.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn't listen to me at all. I understand that I wasn't in his life for the first ten years, but it hurts me whenever he asks Asher for things I could easily give him. I get that he can trust him more, but--I don't know where I was going with that. I just wish he would treat me like his mother whenever he doesn't want anything.

Everything took a bit longer than I thought. I never seem to realize that sometimes I need to measure things out. I learned from my abuela that measuring your ingredients took up so much time. I believed her, considering I never did much cooking up until now. I see that some things need to be measured, while I could eye everything else.

Asher was home just before I finished. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and pretended everything was perfect. I allowed him to take a shower before fixing plates for everyone. Dinner wasn't too quiet, but I'm sure Asher could tell that I wasn't in the mood to speak to him. We asked the kids about their day per usual and I ended up starting on the dishes before anyone finished eating.

Asher tried convincing me to use the dishwasher, but this would get my mind off of wanting to strangle him. He left me alone in the kitchen to go to his study. I couldn't help but think he was hiding more than just what I'd seen with Jenni.

"Mom, do you need help?" Vincent asked.

"...Huh?" I put a plate on the drying rack. "What'd you say?"

"I asked if you needed some help."

"Oh, not really. What do you need?"

Vincent came to stand beside me. He needed something. I just don't know what it could be this time.

"I don't need anything from you, Mom. When have I ever needed anything from you?"

"All the time, Vincent, all the time."

"I don't this time. I just want to know how you're doing."

He's growing up way too fast. He's seen more things a child his age shouldn't see until they die. I understand that I'm part of the reason why, but I don't like it. I don't like how he can sense when there's something wrong. Or when he can relate to me when he's barely close to being half my age. I want him to be a regular kid. I want him to have the mentality of all the other 13-year-olds out there.