Nightwing Oneshots

Robin XXIV

⚠️PTSD/PTSD Attacks | Depictions/Mentions of Self Harm | Depression | Anxiety | Flashbacks | Mention of Death | Mental Health Struggles⚠️

I laid sprawled out on the hard ground staring at the ceiling, twirling my razor blade in my fingers as I stared at the lights and listened to my playlist. Today was a hard day. It was the 4th anniversary of Wally's death, which was always a hard day for me. I thought that as time went on I would finally be able to get over it, but I was wrong. Everywhere I looked I kept being reminded of him. 

Even Artemis wasn't having any trouble. She was living her best life with her new boyfriend Jason, and although she still was a bit sad about Wally, she said that she had mostly moved on and it didn't bother her as much as it used to anymore. 

Why was I still holding onto it?

I closed my eyes and let a few tears slip out as I tried to focus on the music to take my thoughts away from him. 

'Cause sometimes I look in her eyes
And that's where I find a glimpse of us
And I try to fall for her touch
But I'm thinking of the way it was
Said I'm fine and said I moved on
I'm only here passing time in her arms
Hoping I'll find
A glimpse of us

"F*** you," I whispered, sitting up and shakily wiping my tears away as I tried not to cry more.

I wasn't quite sure who or what I was swearing at; whether it was the song, Wally, or my own emotions, I wasn't sure what I was mad at. But either way, I skipped the song and stared at my exposed arms.

I was wearing long sleeves even though it was the middle of June to cover up my scars, but I had them rolled up so I could easily access them to make more cuts if I needed to. And I did need to.

I pressed the metal blade against my wrist, pressed down, and slowly slid it across my pale skin, watching the crimson blood begin to spill from it. I pulled the blade away and just stared at the cut I had made. Usually, I was overcome by the urge to cut my arms up until they were covered in blood, but not right then. I shook myself out of my daze and set my blade that was covered with my blood down next to me as I grabbed some bandages, feeling tears pricking at my eyes again.

I don't wanna say goodbye, 'cause this one means forever
Now you're in the stars and six-feet's never felt so far
Here I am alone between the heavens and the embers
Oh, it hurts so hard
For a million different reasons
You took the best of my heart
And left the rest in pieces

And... there was the urge. But this time, I didn't ignore it like I was taught so hard to do. I dropped the bandages, picked up my razor that was still sticky with blood, and began cutting again. I slowly stopped and squeezed my eyes shut when I heard his voice.

"Are you going to Cadmus? 'Cause if you're going, I'm going."

Tears were steadily pouring from my eyes and I found myself kneeling on the ground, sobbing and hyperventialing and feeling the ghost of his presence to my right. I knew that it was just another PTSD attack, but I hated it. 

"Got your nose!"

I just let it happen, listening to everything he had said when we were just young, naive teenagers disobeying our mentors to prove that we were ready to be a part of the Justice League. 

I missed those days, where it was just me, KF, Aqualad, Superboy, Megan, and Artemis, going on missions and just hanging around at Mount Justice. During the school season, we couldn't go on as many missions, especially Artemis and I, but Wally and I still hung out almost every day and did stupid teenage stuff together.