We Never Got To Say Goodbye - Haim

I See The Faces Slowly Slip Away Ch 8

Today is officially my twentieth birthday, I don't feel like celebrating and anyway that day spent with Alana at Disneyland was enough of a celebration for me. I get up early and sneak out un-noticed and take a ride up into the hills, I walk along a hidden track until I come into a clearing overlooking the whole of the valley, I haven't been up here in over a year yet I suddenly feel a calming presence wash over me.

I sit down next to the rose bush that is now overgrown with weeds, I take my time pulling each and every one of them weeds out and then sit in silence studying the view in front of me.

The first time I ever came to this spot was by accident, I had wanted to have some kind of memorial for Danielle but Mom wouldn't allow it, so I had to wait until I turned sixteen and then I borrowed my friend's car. I brought a small wild rose bush and spent the day finding the right spot to plant it and ended up here. It felt like the perfect spot that Danielle would've loved as you got the full view of the city below as well as the sunset, two things I knew she would have loved.

Call me crazy but I spent many hours up here over the last four years talking to this dumb rose bush like it was my sister, telling it all my secrets, I can't remember when or why I had stopped coming but today it just felt right being here.

God what am I thinking? How can it feel right? I've substituted a fucking rose bush for my sister.

Seeing Mom get so upset when we didn't call her back the other day has brought up so many unanswered questions, questions that deep down I feel will never be answered and it hurts beyond anything I've ever known.

I grab at the rose bush and pull until it's roots are ripped from the ground, it protests by digging it's thorns into my hands, I throw the bush over the edge and watch it disappear. I dig the photo of Danielle out of my pocket and studied it for a few minutes, I've noticed over the years I'm finding it harder and harder to remember what my sister looked like without looking at her picture and it kills me inside knowing I'm slowly starting to forget her.

"WHERE ARE YOU DANIELLE?" I scream at the top of my lungs desperately needing answers, the valley as if playing a cruel joke just shouted her name back to me.

*****

flashback

"MOM ALANA'S DOING THAT THING AGAIN." Este yelled,

She walked into the kitchen and sat down next to her Mom,

"Doing what thing again honey?" Donna asked,

"Being all weird and sitting in front of her bedroom door just staring at it." Este replied.

Donna sighed and got up and walked out into the hallway to find her youngest daughter sitting where Este said she was.

She sat down next to Alana,

"What are you doing honey?" Donna gently asked,

"Nothing." Alana mumbled,

"Do you want to go in?"

Alana looked at her Mom with big scared eyes, "NO."

"Oh honey," Donna said wrapping her arms around her youngest daughter, "It's safe to go back into your room, why don't we open the door together and go inside for a little while?"

Alana squirmed out of her mother's hug and ran down the corridor,

"I'm never going back in there and you can't make me." She cried before running out the back door.

*******

Danielle sat on the edge of the bed and patiently waited for the door to open. As the weeks turned into months she had been allowed to stay upstairs longer and longer each day.

She hated being locked up in the downstairs room, there was no window or fresh air and she had already read through all the books in the room.

She turned her head towards the door as she heard the click of the lock unlocking,

"Oh Gabrielle look at you already dressed for the day," Maureen said "You look very pretty sweetie."

"Thank you," Danielle shyly replied, "An...and my name is Danielle."

"Sorry what did you say?"

"You...you called me Gabrielle." Danielle explained,

"Oh did I?" Maureen asked,

Danielle nodded her head,

"Sorry sweetheart, mmm Gabrielle you say? That's a very pretty name don't you think?" Maureen asked

"Y...yes but it's not my name." Danielle said as she followed the lady upstairs.