Obsessed with a Vampire Romance (Parody)

Drama with an old Friend

RECAP:

"I see the problem." Dr. Lane turned his head to the face the wall. "You took too much from these novels and you are trying to project the scenarios into your own life. In other words-" He removed his glasses and dramatically snapped his head to face my direction. "You are obsessed with a vampire romance."

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"Obsessed?" I said questioningly, obsession was clearly an overstatement. All I ever did was follow him home, hide in his locker, and try to get him to confess his undying love for me.

"Yes. You are obsessed with a vampire romance. And I'm talking the technical use of the term, as in: you are trying to fill a void to an unstable extent. It's unhealthy. I suggest you take one of these," Mr. Lane held up a small bottle of pills, "Once a day for the rest of your life." He said with a grin and turned to my parents. "That will be 500 dollars."

My parents gave him the cash and Mr. Lane left muttering something along the lines of, "Weird teenagers..."

My mom and dad tried to force a pill into my mouth but I slapped their hands away. "How could you do this to me!" I shrieked.

"We're sorry, Rebecca, it was an unhealthy obsession." My mother answered.

"What? Not that! You told me Mr. Lane was my best friend and now you've driven him away! Where else am I going to find a BFF that will wear a bunny suit wherever we go?" I started crying. My best friend left me, my vampire boyfriend couldn't trust me, and now I was alone. Literally. I hadn't realized my parents ran to the car right before my meltdown. I found a note on the counter. It read 'Went to Vegas. There's casserole in the fridge. See you in two months. Love mommy and daddy.'

I wasn't surprised. They took impromptu road trips like this quite often. Last time they took one of their trips they went to China for three and a half months and only left me a note on the counter like this one- except that was a more emotional day, because they didn't even leave me a casserole in the fridge.

I walked over to the fridge and thought of calling my old friend from when I was little. His name was Byron. I called him up, "Hey Byron!" I said enthusiastically.

"Rebecca?" He asked as if he didn't believe it. "I haven't talked to you since we were six. What's the occasion?"

"My best friend left me and my boyfriend who is a vampire will not confess his secret to me even though we are in love. So can I come over to your house?" My request seemed reasonable enough.

"Uhhh sure. Do you even know where I live?" He wondered.

"Could you tell me, pal?" He told me his address and we hung up. I was going to drive over but I had forgotten my parents put a parking boot on my car because they said 'I was too psychotic to drive.' Silly parents. I decided I would run there.

I ran through the rain, getting hit by nine cars on the way to Byron's house. Some people just need to learn red means go and green means stop! What is this, third grade? His place would have been a half hour away by car, but I was running. I finally reached his doorstep and rang the doorbell. When Byron answered he looked at me in shock. Byron had dark brown hair and a medium build.

"Rebecca? What are you doing here soaking wet?" I tilted my head.

"I told you I was coming!" I responded.

"Yeah, that was six hours ago! I thought you, like, changed your mind or something!" He motioned for me to come in the door.

"Nope, I just took a jog all the way here! Woo! That is refreshing! You don't mind if I finish my workout here, right?" I shoved my way into his house.

"Uh-"

"Thanks, Byron. So where are your Bob and Jillian workout videos?" I looked left and right, trying to find them.

"I have someplace to be very soon so I don't know if-"

"If you don't have workout videos I can just go to the healthy-channel." I walked through the front room to the TV. "WOW, did you guys move some stuff around since I was last here?"

"Have we moved things since eleven years ago, well yes, actually." He put a hand on his forehead. "Rebecca, I gotta go to prom in a few minutes, so if-"

"YOU'RE ASKING ME TO PROM?!" I was so shocked! I was suddenly torn. I was in love with Paulo, but now Byron loved me too? I was just too popular for my own good.

"What? No I said I am going in like five minutes so you-"

"OF COURSE I will go with you, but only as friends. I'm flattered that you want to date me but I have a boyfriend. I'm sorry." I put a hand on his shoulder, and he shrugged it off.

"I guess you can come to my prom if you want, but I already have a date." WHAT? I slapped that boy right across his face. It made a loud S-LAP noise.

"You dare ask TWO girls to the prom?" I crossed my arms and turned away from him after the sight of him holding his hand to his cheek. What a player!

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" He scolded at me. Angered, I turned to face him.

"Well, Byron, first you don't call me for eleven years, then you ask me to prom out of nowhere, then you tell me you have two dates! What is your problem!" I turned around again, not bearing to face his player face.

"Rebecca, you are confusing me!" Byron yelled, grabbing my shoulder to spin me around. "I never asked you to prom! I said I had to leave, by myself, in a few minutes to meet my date for the prom! You are not invited! ...And why should I have called you in the last eleven years?" I realized my misunderstanding.

"I'm sorry for blowing up at you. I know you have a girlfriend but deep down really love me. It's okay. I guess I'll just run home then." Byron looked at me incredulously confused. He must have just been shocked that I knew his true secret. I just had a gift for realizing people's true feelings for me, I guess.

Walking towards the door, I hesitated as I placed my hand on the doorknob. I looked back at his face, his mouth gaping still in incredulity. "Remember to call me before eleven years go by this time, or I might already be married to a vampire when you feel like confessing your feelings, jerk." I said and slammed the door shut. The slam was so loud that all the evil squirrels heard it and turned to look at me. The bloodthirsty squirrels hypnotized me to stand still and started charging toward me.