Before I Married Her...

The day I met you

It's was 25 year's ago...My father "took" me to the circus for my 5th birthday, I was quite bored at the circus I just wanted to go home and see mother.. But then I saw him... And I couldn't help but to stare, I thought about him in aways I never thought about anyone else..

*Oh..Oh my goodness he's.. he's beautiful!! Wait what am I even thinking "Shakes head" I couldn't be that stupid he's an imp.. Bu-but he's just so.. Beautiful*

That was the day I knew I didn't want to marry a women.. i-i loved him, I don't even know his name.. What would I say to him, That's all I thought I told myself, "This is wrong! I am getting married to some girl, Why most I have such feels for..Him!!".

I don't like what I was taught but I couldn't tell Father about my feels.. I would be scolded and told "A real man doesn't like men, A real man likes control, Sex, power, and Women."

...Why must we be 'perfect' I wish I would have asked Father.. But I never did, That's why I live in constant pain.. The pills don't work anymore.. And Stella just won't leave, She cry's for help every weekend but comes back on weekdays just to hurt me...

I wish I was still at my old Palace with Blitzo..But now I shall live in this palace alone and broken, My own daughter thinks I will up and leave.. I have thought very hard about leaving with Octavia but I know Father will show up once again and punish us..

Blitzy showed up once to my work, It was lovely! But.. Everything lovely ends with a burning fire.. He left me in my palace alone once again.. And again my Grimoire was in his hands, For once I hoped he would stay and cuddle.. But if it's not Blitzy's away it shall not happen.

I remember my 5th birthday so damn well.. It never leaves my thoughts and that truly makes me feel loved.

I told Stella I want a divorce..Yet she still won't leave MY palace, She told me she wasn't leaving cause 'Father' will deal with me.. And Her and I know damn well he won't be easy on us.. But I know Blitzo will be there.. Well that's what I tell myself, I told him to stay once and that that's MY Grimoire it never matter's.. Are arguments get rough but he still leaves..

Last argument was over the fact that I told him 'I Love You'..He just looked at me like I was crazy, Looked me straight in the eyes and said..

"Don't play that card.. I know why you decided to tell me that today!.."

I looked at him in utter shock.. I asked him what he means "Play that card?.." He just looked at me and said,

"You know what I f-cking mean! You only said you love me so as I will stay, I'm not F-cking staying"

I was shocked.. But to be honest I'm not sure why I was shocked.. He has so many problems that he refuses to tell me.. I don't see why? Is it me? Is it what happened with him and Fizzarolli? His Mother's death..? The ab-se from his dad? The fact his sister is an alcoholic now.. I'm not very sure what to think anymore..

I tried to hold his hand but he moved it very aggressively and fast.. I knew that I shall leave him alone for the night, Before I said that he kissed me, I froze but kissed him back, He looked at me and told me not to be so shocked.

"Don't be so damn shocked, I've f-cked you.. Next time don't just say I love you...Ok?"

'..O-oh o-of course Blitzy! What shall I say next time?'

He looked me in the eyes and said,

"Don't.. Just hug me..K?"

I smiled so hard I didn't know that he felt that way, But later I found out why he would say such a thing.. My Blitzy isn't a hugging person which is why I was very shocked, I later found out my Grimoire was behind me..

*Why... Why in hell do I fall for him!? He just hurts me over and over again.. He's better than Stella that's for f-cking sure.. But he hurts my emotions.. I want to be happy for once.. Father made sure I wasn't happy...*

I just want to go back to that day...