a letter to elise || lrh

chapter 15

I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED MY NOTES ON CHAPTER 21 SO PLS SPARE ME AND DONT READ IT IM BEGGING U IT WAS ACCIDENTAL

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September 28, 2015; Monday

"So can you like explain to me," Michael scratched the back of his head, "You know like, why your name was written on that list?" he asked.

Ever since I met Luke, things began to change. One example is Michael and I's relationship. I used to tell him every single detail about my life but now that I'm spending more time with Luke (because of the stupid therapy and that dance thingy), it's like I keep on forgetting about him. I know that makes me a bad friend, but I can't help it. It's like everything's just flowing rapidly in my life and I'm forced to go with the current. I sighed deeply, glancing at him from my peripheral vision. "Remember therapy class?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, there were complications within that class which caused," I paused, not really sure how to explain it, "It's just a really long story, okay? It was my teacher's idea not mine."

Michael nodded his head, but kept his mouth shut. I didn't remember being this awkward the last time we were together. We walked to my locker in complete silence after that. Before, we never really ran out of things to talk about and now it's like we ran out of things to say to each other and it's really bothering me. I looked over at Michael who was staring down at his feet as he waited for me to collect my things from my locker. I sighed heavily, slamming the locker door shut before fully facing him. "Michael, are you mad at me?"

Michael's head suddenly snapped up in confusion. It was like as if he wasn't even paying attention—as if his mind was wandering off into another place. Which wasn't really uncommon, to be honest, but I could tell that there's something occupying his mind that's been bothering him for a very long time.

"Uh, no."

"Well, you're acting weird," I pointed out.

"It's nothing."

"Tell me," I squinted his eyes at him, not pleased with him keeping his thoughts in secrecy. Wow, I'm such a hypocrite since I'm doing the exact same thing to him.

"It's nothing," he groaned, throwing his head back in frustration.

"I'm your best friend."

Michael let out a big puff of air in defeat, finally giving in while keeping his eyes trained on his shoes. "I'll tell you the reason," he bit his lip, looking at me with complete hesitance, "But you have to promise me something."

I crossed my arms across my chest impatiently. "Sure."

Michael awkwardly laughed, rubbing the side of his arm awkwardly. "Well don't get mad at me for this—"

"I won't," I interrupted, just wanting for him to get this over with.

"Okay, well. You haven't called or hung out with me for quite some time now and when we do, it's only short-lived, and, uh," he nervously said, "And those times when you're not there with me, well uh, fuck—I've been thinking—"

Then suddenly, the bell rang—interrupting him—which indicated that there were only five minutes left before class starts. I groaned and put a hand on his shoulder, "Hold that thought," I told him, "I have to get to class."

Michael sighed but nodded anyway, gesturing for me to go. I walked away, waving him goodbye. "I've always been holding that thought," I heard Michael whisper to himself. It was barely audible but somehow, through the crowded hallways, I could hear him clearly. The words rang into my ears and I was pretty much sure I had a clue on what he was about to say.