I Hate My Roommate

CHAPTER 33

Song: A Match Into Water - Pierce The Veil

I wish I could write. There were so many things I wanted to write in that stupid notebook. As much as I wanted to do it, to scream to myself to grab a pen, all I could do was stay laid on that bed. I've imagined death a lot of times, but who would have thought that I, Michelle, would end up in a hospital bed? It is true that after mom's death I didn't take care of myself at all. It is true that after mom's death I attempted suicide twice. I think I never got to heal and that's why I perceived the moment of my last breath as one I'd jump from a building, slit my veins, take a lot of random pills... The point was not to die, since death came anyway, but to survive, which would be a miracle.

That day in the middle of the night nurses woke me up to check my heart rate and take my blood I was so tired and I didn't bother to open my eyes.

"What time is it?"

"It's half past three." By the voice, I noticed it was Ms. Cruz or just Isabella. She had a beautiful name and for some reason made me remember mom.

"So... Today is..."

"15th May."

I smiled. "It's my birthday." I heard a couple of happy birthdays and fell asleep while mom's hand was rubbing my temple.

I wasn't sure if I could receive visits that day, if dad was still in town, if I would be able to get out of my bed, or if the fact that I was still breathing was something good enough to celebrate. It became something hard to do. It felt wrong because all I wanted to do was disappear. So why smile, clap your hands, and look at the numbers increasing when nothing around you was making any sense?

"Michelle!" I heard. I closed the book as fast as I could. Sage was looking at me with a wide smile, a worried and sad smile. Behind her, I recognize Hannele, Skye, Cole, and Jake. "Happy birthday!" They said simultaneously.

As I expected they couldn't come in and couldn't be more than five either. They explained Lin, Louis, Lyha, Nia, and Anna were going a few hours later

I think it had been a month since I had seen Sage and five months since I felt her skin. At first, I was mad when she reconciled with Cole. However, when he found out about my condition, I also found another image within him. Besides the hate and disgust I had for him through jealousy, Cole never shared the same feelings or some kind of madness. He would text every day, ask how I was feeling, if I had eaten, if I had read a book, ask about the anime that I was watching, and what type of music I had listened to. He'd talk about his classes and projects, about Louis that was preparing something for my birthday, about Aelin that would go to my house and spend hours there to feel closer to me since she couldn't go to the hospital often, about Sage.

"I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but she's been really sensitive. She cleans your room every day, reads your manga books, watches anime, and sleeps."

"What? That is so unfair. She waits for me to leave the apartment to start doing those things?" We both laughed. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For taking care of her."

"She's my girlfriend."

"She's my best friend."

I sat at the table in front of the big glass, they did the same from their side and we talked about how they were going in their universities, with their studies, and the last month of the last semester. For a slight minute, I felt jealous, because they had a life outside and I was just locked in like a prisoner. Moments later, two nurses came in holding a cake I knew the main ingredients were chocolate and cake by the smell, with a two and zero candle on it. A smile emerged on the corner of my lips, not because I had completed twenty years old and had friends singing for me, but because there was a light, fire, the tip of the candle was shining with wildness and heat, so flashy...