I Hate My Roommate

CHAPTER 34

Song: Francis Forever - Mitski

"Hannele!" I screamed her name. "Where's my laptop?"

A couple of seconds later, Hannele opened the bedroom door. "Can you, please, stop screaming my name?" She paused with an annoyed and gentle look at me. "Your laptop is literally on your desk." She pointed to it, under a book and some clothes. "You want help cleaning your room?"

"No. I'll do it. You were studying, weren't you? Sorry for distracting you. I'll take care of this."

She murmured an 'Ok' and disappeared.

It had been a month since I lost my roommate, my best friend, my partner. It was so fast, from the diagnosis to the 'there's nothing else we can do', that I hadn't managed to sit down and understand what happened. That day, on the beach, she said we never get to see the relationship between events. But it happens that she has died.

I knew that I would get to a point of life where I'd consider a certain moment of it the worst, however it never crossed my mind that that day would be Michelle's funeral. There was her dad, her classmates, our friend group, a couple of cousins, aunts and uncles, teachers... Everybody attended, carrying weights of grief, covered in black. Everybody but Aelin.

On that day I realized my friend was gone.

We had so much to do, Elle. Elle... Elle, where are you? Where's your sarcastic tone? Your messy hair? The sound of your guitar? The eye you'd give me when you'd catch me with your clothes? Michelle?

"I love you!" I said looking at the desktop wallpaper, an old picture of us from high school, feeling like I hadn't said those words enough when she was still in this world.

For three hours straight I watched anime, without leaving the bedroom to eat or bothering to open the blinds. I recall Hannele, who had moved in without either of us realizing, bringing lunch, sitting next to me, and watching the series even though she never really enjoyed it. At that time, I wondered how she was so calm, able to keep up with school, and not shed a tear when we'd talk about Michelle. Hannele was strong, a hero without a cape, even when I found her crying one night at 4 AM on Michelle's room's floor.

"Let's go to Aelin's today?"

"Yeah. I texted them. But you know..."

The heat from June was coming back, too many layers weren't needed anymore, classes were about to finish, summer was getting near, yet everything felt so empty, yet my eyes were burning, it all seemed so gray, so lifeless...

When we got to Aelin's house, it wasn't them who opened the door, nor her parents that we got to know, but Louis. His hair was way longer, he was tinier, the dark circles under his eyes became heavy, and the t-shirt, shorts, and shirt were all crumpled. I wasn't the only one in pain, I wasn't the only one who had lost a best friend.

It was the first time I was seeing him since the funeral, so my first reaction was to hug him, so tight, holding to not cry. Oh, Louis... I'm so sorry. He hugged me back and pat my head. "What are you doing here?"

"I came over so we could study for our final exams together. Like, we help each other focus." She said as we crossed the hall. Aelin was on the sofa, legs crossed, pencil between their teeth, reading a book. "Sage and Hannele came to see you."

I could tell the smile on their face when they saw us was genuine. Barefoot, she walked toward us with amazing energy and hugged both of us simultaneously. "We were worried about you," Hannele said as I kissed their face multiple times.

"We won't take too much of your time."

We all sat on the couch and talked about a bit of everything: exams preparations, the weather, games, job options, Michelle... One, two hours passed, the cups of juice got empty and on the plate just remained the cookies' crumbs.