The Distance Between Us

Ch.5. The Letter

I had hoped Jungkook would contact me soon after we had met, but days, turned to weeks, until a month and a half had passed. Had he changed his mind about me? All that time I had wondered had I done something wrong. Did he care about me anymore? Not knowing what exactly was wrong was driving me crazy.

Sometimes I felt like I could talk to him and sense him close, but other times he felt so far away. Apart from duties on the farm everything had come to a standstill and with Seraphina having returned home I felt lonelier than ever.

I sat at my dresser. Don't write him a letter, dont write him a letter. I was staring at a blank bit of parchment with my quill in hand and a bottle of ink on the table.

I couldn't distract myself any longer. All night I had tossed and turned, awake every hour, feeling distraught. Why could I not stop thinking about him. Yesterday i had cut out a newspaper clipping of him and put it in a locket around my neck. It was a little unusual but no one could understand how I was feeling. If this is what love is, is it not supposed to make me feel happy? Not like all the life has been sucked out of me. Also wasn't time supposed to heal, as each day had passed only my heart become heavier, my mind cloudier. My thoughts consumed only by him and him alone. What was worse, having to pretend everything was all right and put on a brave face. I couldn't hide it anymore.

As I sat staring at the parchment at 5am. I thought about how safe sending this letter would be. I was aware that one could send direct to the Prince and address to him only, but whether anyone proof read or not before it came into his hands, that I didn't know. I decided just to write a draft, just to get my thoughts out. Perhaps I wouldn't even send it, but anything just to string my thoughts together.
  I began to write

It's me, I think you will know.
I didn't know how to send this
But I'm missing you
Do you miss me too ?
I need to know. My heart is too heavy and I'm not sure how much of this burden I can take. Will I see you again ? I am thinking of you.
Please respond in any way you can.

I read over the letter a couple of times, shaking my head. I surely could not send this to the Prince, but just in case I inserted it into an envelope addressed to the Palace under his name and sealed it with candle wax. I left it on my dressing table and returned to bed.

I got up some time later for breakfast and helped Mother with some house duties before going out to see to the horses and to feed the chickens, whilst Mother stayed to deep clean the upstairs.

I felt a little better having written my feelings out. I felt completely exhausted, but was greeted to such a beautiful morning, the sun peeking on the horizon. The warmth on my skin. I felt a little lighter. After feeding the horses and spending some time conversing with my own horse, I made my way to the chicken coop. I returned a short time later just as Hoseok my long time friend was emptying the post box outside our front door and returning to the horse and cart.

"Morning y/n" Hoseok said, his face lit up. Hobi as we fondly knew him was a classmate of mine and Jimin's growing up and also from a farming background. "Yoongi was asking about you as he hadn't seen you in a while "

"Yes after the performances at the palace, I guess things just stopped, life of a farm girl, right Hobi?" I said, laughing and opening my arms and slapping them by my side. 

"With talent like yours, you need to be getting out there performing, not just sitting milk churning, times are changing y/n" Hobi said, as the clock chimed.

"Anyway y/n I must go and deliver the post before the next bell chimes, take care and I hope we can talk soon"

I waved as he took off towards the forest. I sighed and swung the door open. Mother come in from the kitchen. "Did you speak with Hoseok?" Mother asked. "Such a pleasant gentleman he is, I am delighted you have kept such a sweet friend from school"