If Only It Were A Dream

Prologue

Prologue
(boring stuff)

I fucking hate it.

Everyone. Everything. When did life become so shitty?

Was it when my father left. Or was it when my mother died. Or maybe it was when I realized no one cared, they just lied.

But life moves on, right?

We learn from our pain, and we become stronger.

Right?

Fucking bullshit

We don't learn from our pain, we try to hide it. Pretend it doesn't effect us. Lying to others and ourself.

But the truth is shown with all the empty bottle of alcohol and pills no one knows about. The late night disappearances, waking up in unknown places.

Anger, so much anger.

The sadness that clogs up your throat like a rope.

Where's the help when you need it? The friends who promised would take a bullet for you?

Where are they when the bullet wound slowly bleeds out.

Friends. A simple word that make me want to laugh.

I love my friends. We laugh at the most stupid and randomness things. Saving each others asses from complicated situation, always having each other's backs.

But where are they when the situation is serious. I need them, or at least one of them. Where are they.

I look up at the crying sky. Are you as lonely as me. All those sunny days you actually felt like crying.

A heavy weight on my heart, making it hard to breath. Will I die of a heart attack before reaching the bottom. I look down at the dark water. The water current matching my heart beat.

I close my eyes, facing the rainy sky once more.

Memories of bike rides in the rain with my friend resurface. Memories of running and dancing in it, laughing not caring that we might get sick.

It was us against the world.

And now, it's just me fighting the world.

Alone

Is it karma?

All those happy years I took for granted.

It only takes one step

One step to finally be at peace

My mother always said to not be afraid and jump with both feet

This probably wasn't what she meant, but at least for once I'll listen

The sound of my heart beat overflows my ears. I can't hear the pitter patter of the rain.

Has it already stopped raining?

Are we happy again?

My mouth forms into a smile I know so well.

I guess we are right?

When there's no more tears to cry, it could only mean your okay and back to normal.

So why does it hurt so much to smile.

Why does the smile feel so heavy, like gravity is trying to pull it down into a frown.

It hurts keeping that smile so high

I looked down once more, closing my eyes but keeping my smile.

I jumped