If Only It Were A Dream

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 1

I felt so light, as if I was a bird flying free in the sky for the first time, but reality is always the opposite than what in seems, as my mind was flying, my body was sinking. Sinking in a pit of cold harsh oblivion.

I would love to think I'm the first to jump with both feet, but I know that's completely unrealistic.

We live in a world filled with hate and pain. How do they expect us to survive when all we've felt was worst than death.

We live in a society that leaves everyone to fend for themselves.

As I sank further, I looked up at the blurry sun shinning threw the surface of the water.

There's a saying that my teacher once said "even your own blood will turn against you for a grain of gold".

A week later, she was found dead of a drug overdose, and her only living family member went on a yatch trip with her heritage, never attending the funeral.

I was there.

It was sad honestly. Not the funeral, but the people.

You could see how annoyed they were to come, as if they had better things to do than to attend the last moments of a person's life.

People either came because they felt obligated, or they hoped to get something out of it, or there were some that only came for the food.

No way was my funeral going to be this pathetic.

I want a place where I can rest at peace with no one having the need to come visite me every year to drop off flowers, and cry at my pitiful state. Hell no.

I sank

Finally feeling at peace, every bone in my body relaxed feeling like they were made out of air, even my straight blonde hair was floating free around me.

I felt like those ladies on a sunny summer day relaxing on a long chair

I smiled,

A real smile,

Who could've though death was the way to make me smile

I wanted to laugh, I guess I am just as messed up as everyone else, maybe more

But then it happened. That feeling of wanting to survive.

I was running out of air.

The smile on my face dropped, just like my body as it sank faster.

I looked around in panic, looking back up at the surface of the water the light still shinning threw, I quickly tried swimming towards it, wanting to reach it. 

I looked back down below me, at the darkness, it felt like the darkness was running after me, as I ran motionless towards the light.

I don't want to die.

At least not like this.

I continued swimming but it felt like the surface was moving farther away.

How could I be so fucking stupid, what was I thinking.

Every second felt like I was slipping further away.

I started crying, my tears being wiped away by the water.

My head felt like it was about to explode , my mind  started spinning, and my eyes went blurry.

I stopped

Stopped swimming,
Stopped thinking,
Stopped panicking

I stayed immobile, floating in the middle of the lake

My eyes closed,

finally
...

I abruptly opened my eyes, turning to my side to throw up the water that invaded my lungs.

I could hear people screaming around me in panic,

Well fuck

I'm still fucking alive