emeralds and diamonds ♔ bridgerton

Part 13

"your majesty" my legs seemed to go with their own will and bend.

the queen had called upon me the night prior for 'tea' but any educated person would know this was about my engagement. she was upset about my choosing of mr. bridgerton and not her nephew.

but benedict made me feel all the way those silly little novels did. he made me feel like i was the only lady he cared for. he may have not felt the same way but he knew my situation and planned to save me; and i think that's why i...

fancied him so much. yes, that's the word fancied. not love. no, not yet.

and the prince. he was so bland. like an old biscuit that was made by the featherington girls. those girls really had nothing going for them, well maybe just the two elder sisters. penelope seemed to be interesting if her mother ever let her speak of anything more than the normal conversation.

"lady howard, please come sit." she motioned towards the seat opposite of her. she was being strangely kind. no queen was kind unless you were their friend or they wanted something from you; and i could tell charlotte would kill for this.

i sat in the nicely decorated chair. mine, blue with silver detailing showing i was the one who was her guest, hers with purple and gold flowers with the smallest of crowns on them showing she was the deck holder. and i was just her little game. "i hear your parents are traveling to london for your big day." she sipped at the brown liquid in front of her. a lavender tea with two sugars, i could tell due to the white specs.

"yes, i miss them so very much." a lie. of course i missed my parents, but it wasn't 'so very much'. in fact, most days they barely crossed my mind. i finally felt free. i had been in their control like a doll since i was not even a minute out of my mothers womb. my entire life had been planned the very moment my parents realized they were having a child.

"i hope i shall have the chance to meet them, seeing as you were my favorite this marriage season." favorite? i thought diamond just meant best. queens favorite? sure, i had been close with queen maragret but never her favorite.

"they will be rather excited to hear the queen herself wishes to meet them."

i actually don't think they would care. especially my mother. my mother was best friends with the french queen growing up, so why would she care much for a british queen?

the room fell quiet for what felt like a week. but surely it couldn't have been more than a few minutes. just feeling her snake eyes swarm over me made me feel ready to hurl. her eyes were like little needles, poking and inspecting every bit of my body until she found everything she didn't like.

"i always envisioned my nephew with a girl like you." the woman knows how to change a subject faster than a bird flying. "the moment i saw you i knew you two would be perfect."

she paused again, breathing something into her nose. it was white and powdery in a small spoon, smaller than my pinky.

"did mr. bridgerton take your virtue?" her majesty seemed to interrogate me, like i committed treason.

virtue had a lot of meanings i collected. it could mean i was touched, or kissed, or even worse. but nobody in the 'ton' trusted anyone. i feel as if i couldn't spend a minute with my own father alone. they had so many rules, i did not get it at all.

"no, never ma'am. i am smarter than that. but i believe it was just a matter of romance." i said it like it was something simple. something every lord and lady got to enjoy, but they didn't. many were unhappy in their marriages

would i be unhappy?

silly thoughts again.

but i felt my heart race, my breath tightened. i tried to keep my eyes from going black, but every thought i ever had seemed to just flood my mind like fire.

i was to be unhappy.

this was the gods way of telling me that.