Absquatulate

Chapter 21:

I haven't seen Dave since morning because appearently he's lost one of the newly born twins, the one who had breathing problems. Which is sad.

I haven't gotten enough sleep so i head to the kitchen and make myself some coffee, Maybe then I'll be able to think straight about what's been bothering me.

I haven't talked to Jala. I haven't forgiven Nic yet. I haven't moved on from the fact that Dave is leaving for good soon. I haven't developed some love for my half siblings...

* sighs*

Tony's in the kitchen making some breakfast for mom who's well tucked in a seperate room right on the other side of the house. I'm tired of all this fear, the fear of loosing. I'm tired of spending endless hours stuck on one thing as if I'm even going to take any action on it.

After filling up my mug with some dark coffee i head for the room i was in before. I miss Jala. Her smile, her dark brown eyes and her preaching. And most definetly stalking her.
The weather outside is dark and cold, like what i feel like deep within. There's so much going on inside this little head of mine. It feels like a godamn prison.

I feel as if the more i try to escape these thoughts the more I'm tangled and lost. I swear I feel like I'm paying rent to live inside this body and i got two windows and those windows are nothing but my eyes.
I just go where the wind blows and i don't even get to decide. Times like this, when i think too much, are times am always stuck in my head. I wish i could escape and when i do try to escape these thoughts pull me back to square one, haunting me.

"Helloo hello hello." Mom greets as she joins me in the room i was already sitting in. "You good?" She asks after i wave her in when she greeted.
"Have you heard anything from Jala?" Mom shakes her head and stares back at her mug as if it had answers to my questions. "Is that all that's bothering you?" Now her eyes are on me. How do i tell her I'm worried about what's going to happen after Dave dies? How do i tell you all these things that are eating me up inside?

"Hey mom, do you know anything about Pete's past?" I change the topic, She nods closely looking at my reaction. " Why?"
"I heard it's important you know your partner's past. That's all." I can tell she doesn't believe my lie because of the way she slowly nods to that statement. "Jala's going to be just fine. Don't stress." She hugs me and waits for me to agree with her till she lets go of me.

Suddenly mom gets a call from Maria. When she answers it, I can hear Dave's voice faintly. As he continues to speak mom keeps looking at me as if something horrible has happened. "What happened mom?"
"Maria thinks I'd poisoned her food so her kids would die." She rolls her eyes and puts her phone aside.
"Did you?" I tease and watch as her face turns into a great beam, "Ofcoarse i didn't! I wouldn't even try." She giggles a bit and nudges me on my shoulder. "Appearently she's got serious...problems. Don know 'em in details yet but you know..." she takes a sip of her coffee while taking a glimpse of me.

Finally a smile makes it to my face. Not because we don't know what Maria's 'serious problems' could be but because all this time I've never been able to put a smile on mom's face or to ever really have a chat with her, joke around with her and look at us now, Chatting.

'Thank you God for allowing me to see such a day and may you please bless us with many more days of great happiness and peace between us all. Amen.'

"I've been meaning to ask," i pause and try to see if her face is still all cheerful and maybe ready for my question, "Why did you cheat on dad?"

For a minute mom's looking into my eyes as if i have the answers, to the point where i start thinking she's not going to even answer me.
"Beacuase...there was nothing left between our marriage." She places the mug on a desk next to the bed, "He was working...you know far away and yeah, just like any other man, he wanted someone there for him, Waiting for him in bed. I worked all the way here so who do you think he would be waiting for?"

She takes her cup back again and takes a sip, looking out the window as if it holds her next line. "He cheated on me. So i went on and decided to move on..."
"But mom, when he found out that..."
"That i was meeting a few guys he freaked out? He wanted to fix what couldn't be fixed." I can tell she's still hurting about it because of the way she folds her legs and wraps her arms around them.
Maybe i shouldn't have asked about this in the first place.

***

It's around 2pm and so far I've spent my afternoon trying to develop some love for my half siblings. I got to learn a few things like how Dale's favourite colour is green and...the twin's names.
I've forgotten them now but surely i will remember them soon, right?

Dave's been watching me talk to them for the past 30minutes while mom and Tony watch The Graymen.
I ain't really sure what the movie or series or whatever it is, is about but all i know is that Rege-Jean Page is in it and mom's been obsessed with him ever since she started binge watching Bridgerton.

"How about i get these little guys a snack, huh?" He cheerfully says as he gets up from the sofa he had been sitting at and heading right towards the kitchen. At first it looks like he's taking wobbly baby steps so i just ignore it until  he falls over and faints. By the time i reach him, Tony's already at him, calling up the ambulance while Dale is cries his lungs out. I check for his pulse like in the movies and it seems like i can't find it.

I think he's dead, just like that, gone.

Tony takes my hand and places it just by his neck so i can feel his pulse. He's not dead...yet.

I stand up and move back after noticing Tony had totally noticed something about my behaviour. Could he have guessed i know about Dave's untimely death?

Soon the ambulance is here after around 10minutes and everyone's rushing to the hospital and I swear I'm only in Tony's car because I'm hoping because of my presence, Dave will hopefully fight off whatever it is that's fighting him from deep within. What if they find out he's been suffering from cancer today? Worse than that, that i was involved in keeping this a secret?

***
Mom's just from talking to the doctor and is heading our way. "Dave has camcer. He's gonna have to go through with some surgery."
It goes silent for a while until Pete suggest we get some coffee then come back while the doctors attend to Dave.

Tony keeps closely looking at the hospital as we pull away from it and join the rest of the cars that were going on the main road. I can hear mom mumble, "wait..." she turns to me and places her daring eyes on my eyes. "You knew he had cancer, didn't you?" Everyone's now looking at me in shock and i can smell the disappointment in the air.

"I...i-have an expla-explanation." Mom rolls her eyes and sits up straight to hear me clearly. I try explaining to them how helpless i was but i don't think anyone's getting me. They are all just listening to me explain and explain how my emotions changed and all.

Mom's not happy. No one is to be honest