Torn Heart (Zuko x Reader)

Chapter 13

        We were put in the guest bedroom that was split in two by a paper divider. I was exhausted physically, but I had no idea how I would fall asleep as my mind was still wide awake turning over what Zuko had been saying. I had finally decided to just lie down and try to sleep when movement out the window caught my eye. There was a porch off of the room with two doors, one on my half and one on Zuko's, and I realized he was sitting outside.
  "Hey," I said, quietly.
  "Hey...Katara, right?" he grinned cheekily up at me, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.
  "Yeah, you should know. You are my husband," I sat next to him, "I don't really like lying, but...it can be fun sometimes, right? Especially when I get to play your wife."
  I winked, but Zuko didn't reply. He was staring out at the beach below us. The dark waters rolled into pure white waves shimmering in the moonlight. I looped my arm under his and intertwined our fingers. Zuko tensed at first, but relaxed after a moment and we both watched the waves in silence.
  It was a long time before either of us spoke, and when we did, it was Zuko asking a seemingly random question,
  "Y/N, do you know what an Agni Kai is?"
  "Hm? Uh, no,"
  "It's a fire duel, very ceremonial. Well, I was challenged to one for back-talking one of my fathers generals..."
  I glanced behind us to make sure we were really alone, realizing this was his "backstory" he was telling me. Why I wasn't sure. "Okay, so you had to fight this general guy," I coaxed, "Is he the one who burned you?"
Zuko shook his head, biting down on his lower lip as he tried to maintain a neutral expression, "I thought I was fighting him, but in insulting him, I had insulted my father."
  "W-Wait..." a wave of dread washed over me, cold and powerful like the waves we were watching.
  "I refused to fight him—he's my father, for Ra's sake, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. I begged him and begged him—"
  "Zuko—" I wished he would stop talking!
  "But there had to be a fight, I had to learn...one way or another," he turned to look right at me then, so that I could see the scar. For the first time, I imagined how it looked fresh, raw, bubbling flesh, Zuko's screams—I let go of his arm, fearing I would be sick in his lap.
  He turned away again, "After that, my father banished me, sending me on this wild goose chase to...that was...let's see—well, it feels like another lifetime ago."
  That stirred me to my senses. I replaced my arms around his, holding his hand in both of mine and pressed my head into the crook of his neck, "I'm so sorry."
            "Don't be. It was my folly," he said, but half-heartedly.
            "No, it wasn't. You didn't want to hurt your own father, who wouldn't understand that?"
            He snorted, "I wouldn't be able to leave a scratch on him. I was just being a coward—anyway, it doesn't matter. All that matters is earning my honor back, earning his love back."
            "Zuko," I took his face and turned him to look at me. Words poured out before I could stop them, "I'm sorry, I can't begin to understand what you're feeling, but a man like that—Zuko, you can't earn his love because he didn't love you in the first place. He doesn't deserve your love anyway. I'm so sorry."
           "You're right," he croaked out after a moment, "You don't understand."
           He pulled away and stood up, "I'll see you in the morning," before very aggressively sliding his door shut.
           I stayed sitting by myself. The moon was waxing-or waning, I don't know-almost full, but not quite. I remembered catching Sokka talking to the moon sometimes. Katara explained to me about Princess Yue and how he lost her, but I still felt kinda silly murmuring, "Did you hear all that just now?"
            Silence.
            "Yeah, maybe I fucked up...I really like him...I might love him...I don't want him to get hurt is all,"
             Still silence.
             "He deserves the world, Yue. I know you might not understand how I could think that of a fire bender, since—well, you know...b-but hell, I don't even know you."
             Yeah...silence.
              But talking it out helped, so maybe Yue was listening. I had to apologize. I had to tell Zuko these things I was telling to the moon...and not mention that last bit to him—ever.
               I stood up and slid his door open. He was laying on his mat under his blanket, but his eyes were wide open. "Hey," I whispered.
               "What?" he whispered back.
               Of course, he was going to be salty. I took a deep breath, jutting my chin out, "I'm not going to pretend that I didn't mean every word of what I said...but it was insensitive to say it. I'm sorry."
               Sighing, he threw aside his blanket and stood, coming over to me. I continued, trying to keep my voice from shaking, "It's no secret that I like you, and I'm glad you told me what happened. A-And I didn't mean to make you feel like I was taking it for...granted or anything o-or I was being insensitive—I mean, I was being insensitive, but its because—"
Zuko cut me off by grabbing me and kissing me deeply. When he pulled away, he still had the sour expression on his face, "I forgive you, okay? Just. Stop. Talking."
"Okay," I said, quickly, eagerly, "What do I do instea—?"
He kissed me again, this time more intensely, pushing me back against the doorframe. Our bodies were flush against each other, hips touching. One of his hands had a fistful of my hair and the other was hiking my skirt up. I realized then what was happening and pushed him off.
"Whoa, whoa," I said.
Zuko frowned, giving one of his rare soft expressions, "Oh, s-sorry. I get it—"
"No, not that. I want to, but..." I dropped my voice, "We're in someone else's house. There's a damn kid in the next room over...Just not here, okay?"
"O...kay?"
I smiled at his confusion and took his hand, "Come with me."
I led him back outside, away from the house, and down to the beach.