Still Holding Out for You - Paul Diskant

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I walked into the police station to bring my fiancé his dinner yet again, he was constantly forgetting it recently

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I walked into the police station to bring my fiancé his dinner yet again, he was constantly forgetting it recently. I think he did it on purpose just wanting to see me midway through his shift. I signed in with the front desk and I smiled at the officer working.

"Hey Chelsea, you here to see Paul or your dad?" The cop asked talking about my father the Chief of Detectives and Paul, my fiancé.

"Paul, he forgot his dinner again." I said and got on the elevator to head to his floor. Once I arrived at the office I almost ran into an officer coming out.

"Oh sorry." I said and he smiled. I looked at his nameplate. Ludlow...my dad had told me stories about him and how he was a shady cop and detective. I walked in, Paul saw me and smiled.

"Hey, I told you I would go pick up something. You didn't need to run me food." Paul said standing up as I approached his desk and gave me a small kiss.

"Well I wanted to bring it to you so you didn't have to go out." I said and I watch Ludlow watch me as he walked down the hallway.

"What was he doing here?" I asked and Paul sighed.

"Don't worry about it. Some case." Paul said and I half nodded.

"Okay well, I brought you your dinner, I'm gong to pop in and see my dad and then I guess head home." I said and Paul sighed.

"Hey, come with me for a minute." Paul said taking my hand and I smiled as he walked me down to an interrogation room and shut the door.

"Thank you for bringing me dinner, you are the best fiancé ever." Paul said wrapping his arms around my waist, I placed mine around his neck and I looked in his eyes.

"Paul, there is something bugging you, has been and I'm scared for you. Please tell me you are being careful." I said and he nodded.

"I will always be careful Chels. I get to come home to you every night when I am and I couldn't imagine anything else." Paul said and I rolled my eyes.

"So cheesy." I said. He leaned down and passionately kissed me pinning me against the door.

"What time do you get off tonight?" I asked and he sighed.

"Not until 1am, I got to follow some leads I have. I promise to wake you when I get home and have my way with you." Paul said and I laughed.

"You better." I said and he laughed giving me another small kiss and then we left the interrogation room. I left the police station and headed home.

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*****1 WEEK LATER*****

"Paul! We have dinner with my parents to finalize some wedding details, you cant go out tonight!" I yelled as he got dressed to leave.

"Listen Ludlow has a lead on this case I'm trying to crack and needs back up. He needs me. I have to go. I will be about an hour maybe hour and a half late to dinner. Just apologize for me and I will see you soon." Paul said and went to leave out the door.

"Paul, I swear if you walk out that door and go to do this I will never forgive you! You need to decide what's more important." I said and he stopped walking.

"What's more important? More Important?! This is my job Chels!" Paul said and I shook my head.

"Not this time. This is something shady Ludlow wants you to do and you can say no! You need to say no! You have a future to look forward to with me! Paul damnit!" I yelled, he just sighed, put his gun in his holster and I shook my head.

"You walk out that door, don't come back tonight. Stay with your new buddy Ludlow. I don't want to fucking see you for a while." I said and he sighed and walked up to me.

"Chels..." Paul said and I turned away from him. He walked out the door as I had tears running down my face no believing he picked a job over me, over our life together.

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I went to dinner and was already home with no Paul. I knew undercover work could take awhile but this was confusing me. He hated Ludlow and now he was working with him. I heard a car pull up outside and I smiled knowing it was Paul, I got up to open to the door to see my father, 2 uniformed police officers and Captain Jack Wander come walking up to the front door.

"Chelsea..." My dad said and I started to shake my head.

"No..." I said and I collapsed into my dad's arms I knew what they were there to tell me. I heard Captain Jack Wander explaining the undercover op went wrong and they were ambushed. I honestly didn't hear much, I didn't want to hear how my future was now gone.

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*****1 WEEK LATER*****

I walked up to the podium at the funeral and just looked down at the closed casket and sighed.

"Paul Diskant, the man I loved, the man I was set to marry in 3 weeks is now lying in that casket taken from me." I said and looked at Ludlow in the back of the church, he didn't even look sorry. "Paul was taken from us all too soon and I think we can all agree to that." I said and looked down at my engagement ring on my hand that was resting on the podium.

"Never thought I'd be in this place, it's someone else's life I'm living wish I were living a lie. The hardest part is when the bough breaks falling down and then forgiving you didn't kiss me good-bye. I'm choking on the words I didn't get to say and pray I get the chance one day. I still run, I still swing open the door, I still think, you'll be there like before. Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around. Some things a heart won't listen to, I'm still holding out for you. I can hear you smile in the dark, I can even feel you breathing but daylight chases the ghosts. I see your coat and I fall apart to those hints of you I'm clinging, now's when I need them most. I should get up, dry my eyes and move ahead, at least that's what you would have said. Faithfully, I trace your name while you sleep, it's the only true comfort I feel." I said and looked out at everyone then back at the casket.

"I love you Paul, I always will, you were my world and I'll always be yours. Thank you for giving me a part of you to carry with me and have with me forever." I said placing my left hand on my stomach and looking down. I got off the podium and sat between my parents looking at the casket tuning everything else out.

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*****3 WEEKS LATER*****

I knocked on his door and he opened it.

"Chelsea." Ludlow said and he invited me in.

"I had to come and see you. I had to talk to you about that night. I needed to the full story." I said and he groaned.

"You don't want to know Chelsea, it wasn't pretty. It was an op gone bad is all you need to know."

"I identified his body Ludlow! I know what he looked like! What happened?!" I yelled and he shook his head and I groaned. I pulled a gun from the back of my pants and pointed it at Ludlow.

"HEY WOAH!" He yelled and I shook my head.

"You brought this upon yourself. You got him taken from me and our baby so I take your life." I said and shot the gun shooting him right in the chest. He stumbled back and I watched the blood drain from his chest and the light leave his eyes.

"See you in hell Ludlow." I said and walked out of the house before anyone could call the police. I got to the car and drove off driving to the cabin Paul and I bought for our own get away and walked up to the lake. I wiped away my prints and threw the gun into the lake. It was on private property so no could look here. I then placed my hand on my stomach.

"I got revenge for your daddy, he would be so proud of me. Everything will be okay now. Now I'm just holding out for your arrival." I said and smiled at my stomach.

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