𝘐𝘯 𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘓𝘪𝘧𝘦

Chapter. 41

Going to jail! I mean school. 😔👻

Ayla

There I sat, on the same area of land I found Sundae, by a tree.

I dug a small hole and buried her body.

Just sitting there and observing.

I had a bottle of vodka at my side and a cigarette I had stolen from my father between my index and middle finger.

I took a long drag before picking up the bottle and bringing it to my lips.

I felt the ruffle of the grass when someone sat beside me.

I didn't have to turn my head to know who it was.

Matteo.

I blew out the smoke from my lips and sighed.

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong, Matteo?" I asked blankly, staring at the dirt covering Sundaes dead body.

"Ever since the day I watched dad beat his fists into her so hard her breath stopped. I watched him lie to the law and put her body in the ground."

He sat there silently, doing what he did best.

Listening.

"I've always wondered if heaven was real, if she could see me."

"She can." He spoke, picking up the bottle and taking a swig.

"She'd hate who I'd become, I hate who I've become." I deadpanned. I took another drag of the cigarette.

"I always envied the girls, the girls who's dad held their hand when crossing the street, lifted them in the air at the words of good news, looked at them with pure admiration... how a dad should. It left a hole in me, a gaping whole that I needed to fill."

"That I filled with men."

I stretched my neck before tapping the cigarettes to let the ashes fall into the grass.

I stared down at the blades of grass.

"It gave me this-sort of-longing sense of validation I had never gotten."

"Ayla-" He went on.

"Grade eleven. Early college tours, Daniel, twenty, bio major, three rounds all night. Mr. Wilson, ap history teacher, twenty seven, married, two kids, lasted two weeks."

I could hear his body squirming beside me.

"I met you expecting just another fuck, because what else would a whore like me want?"

"Ayla-" He began once again.

"I couldn't leave you, as much as I wanted to I couldn't. It was true, i do love Noah, but not in a you're the reason I wanna wake up everyday, in a way my day gets a little better talking to you way."

I finally took a breath out and turned to him, seeing him staring at me with full eyes.

"I know my trauma isn't an excuse for what I did and I'm not trying to make it an excuse-i just-I'm sorry."