Rivers in the Wilderness

31~Dean's Prayer

"Are you there, God? It's me, Dean. Bradshaw. I, um, I'm no good at this. You probably already know that since I'm messing this up pretty badly. I know I haven't prayed like I should. I've been MIA from church. Until this trip I hadn't given you much thought."

He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough, but I don't know what else to say. I need your help. Janessa and I are going to have a baby. Guess you already know since you knew our baby before you formed him in the womb." A pause. "Mark told me a Bible verse about that."

Dean cleared his throat and continued. "Anyway, I need you to help me convince Janessa that I love her and our baby. I know it's a lot to ask. I get we messed up not waiting for marriage. It's my fault and I truly am sorry. If you give me a chance to make things right, I'll spend the rest of my life loving Janessa and our child. I'll raise the little one to know you and not make the mistakes of his parents. Uh, I guess that sums it up. Thanks for listening. Amen."

Hearing the sweetest words she'd ever heard in her life, Janessa's eyes filled with tears. She quietly moved from the door before Dean saw her. Her heart felt like it was stuffed with happiness, but she wasn't ready to confront Dean. Not yet.

She'd give the Lord time to answer Dean's prayer. He may think he was ready to settle down and make a family with her at eighteen years old, but he needed time to be sure.

Rose glanced up from her game of solitaire as Janessa slipped into the room. "What's up?"

"I'm hiding from Dean."

"Oh, hide and seek." Rose's eyes lit up. "Fun!"

"No, no fun and there's no seek involved just hide." She fell onto the bed, burying her head in her arms. "Where's Grace?"

"Here." Grace stepped into the room with a handful of something.

"What are those?"

"Rocks. For Leo." Grace threw a smile over her shoulder.

"How nice, I'm sure he'll love them." Janessa couldn't quite keep the sarcasm from her voice.

Grace laughed. "He draws on them," she said, carefully setting her bundle on the dresser, and turning to them both. "Here's what he did this morning."

"Wow. That's flawless. So real."

"Leo did that?" Janessa sat up, studying the scenic rock. "I always knew he was hiding something. Never suspected it was talent."

Grace was curious about what Janessa thought he was hiding. "You thought it was a girl."

"Right," Rose laughed. "You probably thought he was sneaking girls in his room."

"No, I knew he wasn't the player everyone assumed. His shell is thicker than most but inside he's a softy." Janessa propped her elbows on the bed and rested her chin in her hands. "When he caught me tossing that pregnancy test, he was sweet. He listened. Let me cry. Most guys would have run, but he told me to call him if I needed anything."

"You didn't think he was hitting on you?" Rose's eyes widened and her gaze flew to Grace's. "Sorry, I didn't mean—well, you know."

"No worries," Grace said with a smile. "I get it."

"He wasn't even the least bit flirty, even when I wasn't pregnant," Janessa said. "He was in several of my classes. I've never seen him show an interest in any girl but Grace." Janessa's gaze swung to hers. "He looks at you like he's in love with you."

Grace's chest warmed, but she was afraid to hope. "Sometimes I'd see him at school and he'd smile. I thought he might like me, but he never spoke."

"Oh, girl he seriously likes you," Janessa said with a confident smile. "Penelope caught him staring at you during lunch and fumed that he was trying to steal you from Mark. She was so jealous."

"Really?" Grace was shocked.

"So, you and Mark never..." Rose gestured with her hands. "You never were a thing?"

"No, we've always been just friends. I'm not sure why everyone thought that. He dated several girls during high school."

"Yeah, but every single one couldn't handle his girl best friend." Janessa rolled over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Honestly, that would be intimidating."

"I'll bet Grace is above jealousy."

"Wrong. I'm not above anything. I admit I wondered if something might be going on with you and Leo," she admitted. "He said there wasn't, but I knew you shared a secret."

Janessa's brows pulled together. "You're not still worried, are you?"

"No, I understand. I get how that would be complicated."

"Dean felt the same way as you did, Grace. It hurt me to keep the secret, but I wasn't ready. I'm still not sure I'm ready, but he knows now."

"Do you want to talk about why you're hiding from him?"

"Because I'm a jerk. And I'm scared. He says he wants a future with me and the baby, but we're so young." She stared out the window where a redbird was perched on the feeder. "What happens a year from now when he's working a dead-end job and we're drowning in bills and diapers?"

"That's where love takes over." Grace spoke with a hope that left Janessa awe-struck.

But Janessa didn't understand. "Love is what got us into this mess. No offense, Grace, we have love now. I'm talking about cold, hard reality."

"You've been reading the Bible and praying." Grace's words were gentle.

"Yes, I want God's help to do what is right."

"Biblical love isn't a feeling. It's an action. Today it might be a feeling that is warm and happy and easy. A year from now it might be difficult. It may call for sacrifice, putting others' needs before your own. If you go into it knowing divorce isn't an option, and you put God first you'll find your happily ever after."

Janessa and Rose marveled at the beauty Grace described.

"I'd never thought of it that way," Rose whispered. "Love as an action. Feelings are always associated with love."

"If love is an action, no one can use the excuse they fell out of love to get a divorce." Janessa liked that. "There's more commitment if you think of love this way."

Grace smiled. "God meant marriage to be forever."

A light flipped on in Janessa's soul. "That's what real love is." She looked at Grace. "How do I know if Dean believes this?"

"Pray for him. Talk to him. Ask God what you should do. Of course, I'll pray for both of you too."

"I see why Leo calls you angel."

"For sure," Rose agreed. "You live up to the name. A perfect angel with an untarnished halo."

Grace wasn't sure why a cloud of sadness fell over her. Maybe the pressure of being seen as more than she was frightened her. What if she let people down? She'd always been afraid of disappointing people.

Forcing a smile, she spoke what she was certain of. "Only Jesus is perfect."