Michael's Story

Chapter 4

Junie crossed her legs and chewed the inside of her lip. It was best for her to avoid contact with the woman sitting in front of her. Her foot began to shake. Junie felt as if she couldn't control it. She let out a sharp exhale and then mustered up the strength to raise her head.

Junie fought between making eye contact with Tess or casting an aimless gaze into the floral area rug. She found her mind trying to push itself back to comfort— daydreaming. The only way she could cope was if she imagined herself being another person; a better person; with a better family; a better life. The reality was the hardest pill for her to swallow but, that was why she started therapy.

She hated lying to Jaya and Elijah but telling them she had a second job seemed easier than explaining why she started therapy. But, she quickly learned that lies require maintenance too. Junie had to adopt the schedule of a person working two jobs. She and her therapist agreed to two sessions a week which meant she needed to be gone for a work shift for her lie to hold up. The only idea she had that seemed manageable was picking up hours on those two days.

"I'm asking because in our last session you said you wanted to dive deeper." Tess, her therapist, said.

Junie averted her eyes again, "I know." She pressed her knuckles into her palm, cracking them and then wiggling her hand.

"Are you afraid that they won't believe you?" Tess repeated the question.

"They won't believe me. They know something is wrong with him, I tried telling them he wasn't normal years ago." Junie answered.

"And what happened?" Tess investigated.

Junie scoffed, "My mom yelled, called me jealous and my dad said nothing. I think he knows......well, I think they both know he needs serious help, beyond the drinking." Junie said.

"How did that make you feel? The way your parents reacted?" Tess leaned in.

"Invalidated. Unheard." Junie replied.

"Invalidated. Unheard. Maybe that's why you don't think they'll believe you." Tess inferred.

"Yeah, partially. I think I, sometimes, want to give him a chance to protect and love me like a brother is supposed to but he makes it hard to forgive him." Junie began fiddling with her fingers.

"For a long time, I wondered if I was exaggerating or if made things up. I started to feel like I'm being too hard on him because he was a kid too, you know? He's older than me by some years but he was still a kid, too. Someone probably abused him and that's why he did it to me."

"I mean, he had to learn it somewhere. He was obviously abused to have done it to you." Tess said.

But...." Junie made direct eye contact this time, "the explicitness of it, it was like he was mimicking porn."

Tess widened her eyes, "It was that explicit?"

The only thing Junie could do was nod. Since Junie had met her, Tess always had something to say no matter what Junie said to her. But now, she was speechless.

"I said wanted to dive deeper because I do. I'll spare you the details but what my brother did to me, for four years, was more than just an abused kid touching and kissing another kid. It was explicit, it was disgusting, it was unnatural, and it ruined me." Junie clenched her jaw, tears welling up in her eyes.

She drew in a breath, looking elsewhere, "I wish I could say he didn't mean it. I wish I could say that we were just kids," She shook her head, dropping her head down, "It was like he got a rise out of it; like it felt good to have power over someone."

"You really think he was that calculated at a young age?" Tess asked.

"Yes.....I honestly think he's a sociopath."

Tess blinked wildly, trying to find where she'd left off on her clipboard. When Tess looked back up Junie could see her fighting back her emotions. Tess cleared her throat and shifted in her chair.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. Your brother is back in the house right?" Tess asked.

"Yeah but most of the time he's out getting drunk. He'll be gone for days before he turns up again." Junie said.

"I'm going to suggest that you come up with a plan. First, you need to get out of there. I can't imagine that you would be able to thrive in that environment, whether he's there all the time or not. Secondly, find a way to tell your parents. I'm not saying go home and tell them everything today but, plan for the day you do decide to tell them. I think it would be good for you to figure out what you want your life to look like without chaos."

Junie shook her head, "If I'm not there who's going to look after Elijah and Jaya? That was the whole point of coming home. I can't leave them in a house with him."

"Then make sure your plan includes them too." Tess said, "We have less than five minutes left, Junie. I'm glad you opened up a little more today. I know we're only four sessions in but I see you making progress."

"The affirmations and grounding techniques helped me get through last week. Thanks for that." Junie said.

"Of course, but, remember those are only helpful if you're feeling a little anxious and it's not at its peak. There's still a lot of work that goes into caring for yourself. I want you to take care of yourself." Tess delivered in a motherly tone.

"I will. Still a work in progress." Junie responded.

"We all are." Tess reminds her, giving her a warm smile, "I'll see you Thursday, okay?"

"Yeah, see you Thursday," Junie said back.

Tess and Junie raised from their seats in sync. Tess went for the door, opening it for Junie. As Junie turned out into the hall she felt her phone buzzing around in her pocket. The word 'WORK' glowered at her. She answered it but kept on her trail.

"Hello...............oh, okay.................yeah, no problem. Thanks." Junie exhaled.

A smile slipped across her face; The store was closing early due to a maintenance issue. On the inside, she was cheerful. She could spend the rest of her day at home.