Michael's Story

Chapter 34

Junie was sleepless, thinking about the possible outcomes of what she'd just done. The fear and shame set in, and she wanted to run into her mother's room, rip away her confession, and pretend nothing ever happened. But, the second she got up to retrieve her letter, she heard her mother walking down the hallway.

Junie could only wrap herself in her blanket, curl into a fetal position, and wait for her mother to come to her. The pounding of Junie's heart rumbled through her entire body. It felt like her heart was displaced, trying to find its way back to its rightful spot.

Hearing her door open, Junie closed her eyes to pretend she was sleeping, but her heavy breathing gave her away. Junie could feel the mattress decompress as her mother sat down. Squeezing her eyes shut, Junie tightened her grip on the covers.

"No one on Earth could sleep after writing something like this," Ree told Junie.

Slowly opening her eyes, Junie peered over at her mother, seeing she was facing away. Junie pushed herself up to rest against the headboard. Then, nervously, she scooted closer to her mother.

"Are you mad?" Junie asked.

Ree sniffled, and then Junie realized that her mother was crying. Ree held the letter in her hands, adjusting herself to face her daughter. Finally, a milestone was reached, it was the first time Ree called in front of her daughter, and she didn't shield her face.

The tension in the room calmed down. Ree reached for Junie's hand. Being uncomfortable with the unexpected gesture, Junie didn't open her hand. Ree slid her hand into Junie's, and Junie finally accepted it.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone. I didn't understand why you were so secretive or couldn't get along with Nico, but now it makes sense. I should've been there more for you." Ree said.

Surprisingly, Junie didn't burst into tears like she thought she would. Instead, her mother's acknowledgment was strengthening Junie. To finally be heard was all Junie wanted, and now that Ree heard her, Junie could move on.

"Can we talk about something I didn't mention in the letter?" Junie asked.

Ree dried her eyes, "We can talk about anything."

"I wanna go back to school. Full-time." Junie said.

Ree continued to sniff, "Yeah, yeah... You do that. You're right; you're not a third parent. I was wrong for making you feel that way. Go back to school." Ree agreed.

"Maybe I can get some lousy part-time job or make a little money on the side-"

"No, no. Don't worry about it. Focus on yourself. Ree forced a smile, "I actually got promoted today. Nice raise. I'll manage."

Ree smiled at Junie through her tears. Junie didn't smile back. Instead, she hugged her mother and then pecked her cheek. They stayed in that hug for longer than usual, and it felt suitable for both Junie and Ree to be in such a genuine embrace with each other.

"I'm sorry it took this long for me to tell you," Junie whispered to her mom.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Ree assured her.

Knowing the trauma, Nico had caused Junie disturbed Ree. In Junie's letter, Junie mentioned that she would be willing to forgive Nico if he took accountability. Nico was her most challenging child; he was problematic since childhood. Long ago, Ree and Jay suspected Nico had severe issues, but each doctor's visit turned up no concerns. Now that Ree knew what Nico had done and his continued lies, she would push her son to get real help. Unfortunately, like many other times, Nico hadn't been home yet.

*****

Two days came and went before Nico arrived home. Then, tripping over his drunken feet, he plopped on the sofa. Nico pulled his shoes off, throwing them down to the ground before he tossed himself into the couch.

Cracking his eyes open, he looked to the side seeing his mother find a seat next to him. Clearing his throat and slouching more, plunging into the cushion, he closed his eyes again. He purposely ignored his mom, knowing that an argument was at the cusp of her breath.

"I know what you're thinking. And I actually just came in here to offer you some advice." Ree started gently.

"I'm listening," Nico said.

"I think maybe you would benefit from rehab," Ree told him.

Nico popped his eyes wide and then scrunched his face. Then, glaring at his mother, he straightened his posture. Ree raised her chin curiously, waiting to see what he would say.

"I think you would too." Nico shot back.

Ree stared at him unblinkingly. On a typical day, Nico's slick comments would gnaw at her, but today, her heightened awareness kept her mood stable. There were greater responsibilities at hand. All the years she wasted trying to avoid the inevitable consequences of her unresolved issues affected her children more than she thought it would. It was time to suck up her pride, step out of numbness and face the harshness of reality she failed to reject.

"I know I would." Ree admitted, "You got serious issues. And you've done things I wouldn't have thought you could. I'm willing to be better. Are you?" She asked calmly.

Nico gave her question some thought. He side-eyed his mother with evident skepticism. Sucking his teeth, he plunged back into the couch.

Nico chuckled, "What did she tell you?"

"Everything." Ree, through her breath, "And just know I don't hate you. She doesn't hate you, she wants to forgive you, but you need to apologize. And I mean, really apologize. But, believe it or not, she also wants you to get better."

"Whatever she said I did, it never happened. Don't nobody in this family like me-"

"Stop right there. You are not about to do that to her." Ree laced her voice with assertion.

Nico smirked, looking the other way to avoid his mother's glare, "I did nothing to her."

"Look at me and say it," Ree demanded.

Nico slowly turned his attention to his mom. Then, visibly distraught, he bit down hard. His nostrils flared in and out as he tried to seem confident.

"You can't, can you?" Junie asked Nico.

Both Nico and Ree looked over to Junie, who was standing just at the entrance to the living room. Her arms were folded across her chest, and she scowled at Nico. Ree tucked her chin.

"Come sit down," Ree said to Junie.

"I don't wanna sit down. I wanna hear him say, right now, with me standing here, that he didn't do anything to me. Say it." Junie said firmly.

Nico wound his shoulders, "Listen,"

"The only thing I wanna listen to is the truth. So, where is it?"

"I was a kid," Nico started.

"You're five years older than me. You knew better. Even if you take that away, you were never my brother. You abused me in so many other ways. Why can't you just admit that?" Junie said.

Nico dropped his head, taking in what Junie said. Ree stood up, making her way toward her daughter. But Junie kept her focus on Nico.

"Why can't you admit that there's something wrong with you?" Junie asked him, "Why did you hate me so much? I never did anything to you. I didn't hurt you the way you hurt me. I loved you and can't stand you now because I still love you even after all you did. But you don't love me."

Although Junie wasn't crying, her voice moved the room. Ree glanced at Nico, who was still sitting silently on the couch. It dawned on Junie that she may never get an apology from Nico, but it felt good to finally speak her truth.

It was apparent that her brother had deeper issues with himself. At that moment, Junie began to accept that Nico had no idea how to love. She didn't say it aloud, but, in her mind, she forgave him.