Michael's Story

Chapter 37

Four weeks later

Therapy wasn't as enjoyable as it was to Junie when everything was normal. However, the recent events sharpened her sense of responsibility. Junie's happiness lie in her own hands, not anyone else's. What Tess taught Junie would be applied to her life. Still, for the first time, she wanted to unravel her problems without depending on another person.

Like in old times, Tess was perched straight across from Junie before everything went haywire. With a leg over the other and her clipboard resting on her knee, Tess looked at Junie with worry. Then, uncrossing her legs and setting her clipboard on the coffee table between them, Tess spread her arms wide.

Junie rose and took a few small steps toward Tess to clasp her. She could feel Tess's warm hands on her back, latching her in position. This was what a real hug felt like. Junie allowed herself to receive the compassion seeping from Tess.

"Take as much time as you need," Tess said to her gently.

"Thank you for everything," Junie replied.

Pulling away, Tess took Junie's hands into hers, "Do not forget to use my number if you need me, okay?"

"I won't. I promise I'll be back after I get myself together." Junie said. A proud smile matured on Tess's face. She held on to Junie's hands for a few seconds longer but then freed them. This time, without Tess's escort, Junie departed the room.

Ambling onto the pavement brought on a different feeling, one Junie hadn't felt for a long time; solace. After so many years of being edgy and unrelaxed, Junie finally felt there was nothing to worry about. It was a hapless ending to her issues.

The bus ride home seemed quicker than usual. Once she made it to her neighborhood, Junie trekked home. Everything she'd walked past before she saw with a different set of eyes. This was the neighborhood she grew up in, but one day, she hoped soon, she would be able to relocate.

Junie kept her head down, observing her feet hit the pavement with each step. She knew she was just feet from home by how the smooth surface turned to the cracked pavement. Then, raising her head, a familiar black car waited in its regular spot. Junie's face dropped numb, and she could feel her heart freezing in time.

Blinking back down to the ground, Junie picked up the gait, attempting to save her desperate eyes from sticking to Michael's car. Still, she needed help to maintain her focus elsewhere. Deep down, Junie missed Michael, and although she'd taken a step back from him, she hoped for the chance to apologize to him for not articulating her feelings correctly.

The muscles in her eyes were controlled by Junie's will to not look into the car's window as she neared it. It felt like she'd been tromping through quicksand as she passed. And then, once she reached the other side, it became more effortless to walk again.

Michael faked not seeing Junie walk by. Instead, he only kept his attention on Julian. But Julian had noticed Junie and just how tense Michael became when he saw Junie too. Although Julian wanted to speak up, he didn't. He and Michael had just got back on good terms, and he knew Michael preferred to keep the details of his love life private.

Michael peered out of the back window as if he regretted not acknowledging Junie. Then, with his eyebrows stapled together in interest, he scanned the front lawn of the building for Junie. And when he didn't see her, he looked at Julian.

"I don't care what happens between her and me; make sure she's always good."

A flash of attachment and partial gloom was imaged on Michael's profile. But his unchanging eyes and straight mouth suggested just how serious Michael was. For Michael, this was more than just an order; it was an unspoken contract of commitment he'd made with Junie.

*****

Love, in general, was pressuring Junie. Insecurity is an equal thing for humans. There was acceptance of her flaws, but one she'd never gotten over was deeming herself unwanted. If Junie frayed her honesty, people would witness her fear of being disposable, primarily to those she loved.

Maybe it'd come from feeling like her mother never paid her any mind or feeling like her father chose booze over living for his family. Either way, Junie caved to the urges of her most significant insecurity, even with Michael.

Letting go of Michael stood difficult for Junie, and at first, she'd presumed that what she'd felt for Michael was purely infatuation. But, unfortunately, she was wrong. When she trod past his car, it confirmed that Junie's longing to be with Michael had become another thing for her to suppress.

Forcing the door closed with her back, Junie stayed plowed against the door, her sentiments gushing out of her. She held her mouth latched, only passing quick whiffs through her nostrils. Her chest felt smashed in, but she still tried to keep her tears under control.

Passion was much more assertive than she was because her uncontrollable tears coursed without her approval. Finally, Junie couldn't fight anymore. All the air she kept sealed inside burst out of her. As she wept, she felt slightly humiliated.

With all the current events that had taken place, Junie felt she'd shed enough tears. But she quickly considered how necessary it was to give herself the freedom to be emotive, even if only momentarily. So she let go of the disgrace and cried, and once she felt it was sufficient, she brushed her tears away.