Unknown Feelings (Fred Coury x Eric Brittingham)

18. So I Guess For Now

ERIC'S POV:

The Same Day:

From the moment Fred stepped foot into the garage, awkwardness just settled in.

Things just weren't ok between us.

I'm pretty sure Fred has no idea why.

Fred.

Something about just even thinking about his name made me feel... something.

No. No, Eric. You do not like men.

You need to try to fix things with Lori.

Or at least find someone new.

I don't know.

Ever since I talked to Tom, things have been weird for me.

Emotions and feelings seem to be all over the place now.

Like, Lori is getting ready to move out in a few days. I feel glad. The awkwardness at home will finally come to an end.

I also feel sad. I mean, I still kind of love Lori. She was my first ever girlfriend and then she became my wife. And then we separated.

Does that mean, I'm not good enough?

Was I not a good husband?

Or was I with the wrong person?

That question has been hovering over my head for the past few days as all I've done is just be alone in my thoughts.

I put some thought into my identity.

Could it be that I'm gay or bisexual or something?

I guess I'm just having a hard time trying to find a way to properly answer that question.

I come from a very religious family and they have beaten into my throat that homosexuality is a sin and all of the stereotypes one can think of.

Maybe I'm also scared.

If I do realize that I like men, what will my family think and say about me?

Will they kick me out of the family?

What will they do to me?

Maybe that's it.

I'm scared of the rejection I might receive.

Well, I need to see past that and find my true identity.

I sighed as I brought myself back into reality.

Fred counted us down before playing a new song we wrote.

While we played, I couldn't help but look over my shoulder as I played my bass.

I would look back at Fred who was playing his drums.

I could see a small smile on his face as he played.

Something about seeing his smile made me smile.

At one point, he looked over at me.

We made eye contact for a quick second before I looked away.

I couldn't help but bite my inner cheek.

Shit.

Am I... Am I catching feelings?

That's all I could think about as we played through the rest of the song.

+

When Fred and Jeff left, Tom turned to me.

"You still haven't talked to him, have you?"

I just shook my head as I looked at my white sneakers, which needed a wash.