Gradient: A poetry and writing anthology

The not-so-secret admirer (a short story)

A couple days after meeting you: You say that we're friends. I savor your cute, boyish smile and let the kindness of being in your company sink in.

A few days later: I notice things that I didn't before. I go out of my way to sit by you, you go out of your way to sit by me. We laugh at each other's jokes, even if they're stupid. We find that we have a lot in common. I catch your smirks and silly smiles. You always smile at me in the hallway and when you greet me at the beginning of class.

A couple weeks later: You like me. I'm near certain of it. Late one night, I get out my notebook and pen a letter to you. It's much more than I'd write for a normal friend. A couple days later, I start asking my friends just to be sure I'm not imagining it. Dozens of them totally think it's true. They say we're cute together. I try not to blush or grin, but it makes me pretty happy.

One of the last times I see you: I arrive, ready to put myself out there, feeling equal amounts elation and nerves. My nerves are settled when you stay to talk to me after a game some of the others were playing. "Everyone already knows we like each other anyway." First reactions? Surprise. Then a big grin. Then I say: "Really?" I see you make a small but real smile. With a sort of foreshadowing for what happens later, you dash away.

The Valentine: Be my valentine? I wrote, in a middle school scrawl. Complete with rosy pink construction paper card and bits of candy. At my first chance, I go up to you, having brushed though my curly brown hair and putting on a luscious red lip gloss. No reason. I say your name, watch a smile form, hand you my cheesy Valentine's day card (Oh yes, which actually asked you to be my valentine!) and like an idiot, bolt.

The Next Couple of Days: The next couple of days are some that I come to savor most. The feeling of seeing your sweet smile- and sharing that secret is so youthful and innocent. You're my friend, and seeing you makes me happy. I'll sit and talk to you (be it freezing, snowing, or bitter cold) just because we like each other. When you leave, I wave to you and smile.

Months Later: We don't have our class together anymore, so I don't always see you. In my heart, you're still my friend, but I would love to see you more. Would love to go for custard, stop by your house, or invite you over to dinner. I work myself up to taking to you when I see you again.

But here's the thing I don't forget- you were my first (Not-So) Secret Admirer. You made me feel less out of place and gave me a taste of friendship and love.