This Moment

Doubt

It's never the heart that makes things relationship harder. No, love - love is easy. It's the mind. We think we know things. But really, all we know is what we think. All we end up with is doubt. 

When I woke up on the first day back after Christmas break, I froze. I didn't know where to start. What was it that I used to do it again? Because all I wanted to do was talk to a Vans-wearing boy with piercing eyes and childlike innocent glow. But, what were we? Just a couple of college students who spent Christmas together. When he dropped me off the night before, he did nothing but kiss my cheeks, grinned and said, "Good night, love." before walking away towards his own dorm. 

Julia was already sleeping when I reached inside, and for that I was thankful because no matter how good at time management I am, I was never good at managing my emotions. And I have no clue what to make of his colder action compared to the warmth I didn't realize encompassed me in the past two weeks. 

You were always summer in the coldest days of winter. 

A ringing alarm broke my trance and a look at the time pushed me into action. I was late for my first class. 

"You okay, Kath?" Julia asked, only just waking up from her alarm. 

"Yeah...yeah, I'm okay." I replied, sounding doubtful even to myself.

 The rest of my day was spent trying to catch up to my routine, which I failed completely. But it wasn't that notion that had me replying yes with a hint of disbelief and resignation to Julia when she asked me again at the end of the day, "Are you sure you're okay?"

No, it was the fact that the biggest destroyer to my routine did not even show a shadow. So, all I could say was, "Yeah...I mean, why wouldn't I be, right?"