Crazies

Chapter Forty-Nine

 
*~* Owen Blackbourne’s POV *~*

The later afternoon sun glints off the freshly polished blade of the throwing knife currently moving between my fingers. Weaving faster and faster as I force myself to concentrate on keeping the sharp edge from slicing into my flesh. 

“Whatever happens, just remember that I’ll be here waiting for you.”

“And we’ll be coming for you.”

My concentration cracks when a burning sensation travels from the base of my thumb and down into my palm. With an irritated hiss, I catch the tip of the knife between my forefinger and middle and tilt my hand up to see a tiny nick seeping blood on the inner edge of my thumb. Frustration builds inside my chest but I sink my teeth into my cheek to keep it from spilling out.

You'll see her before the end of the day, I remind myself but it does little to calm me down. 

Knowing she's so close eats at my control, and for the first time, I’m jealous of my brothers. This morning I was teetering on the edge of making a selfish decision instead of a reasonable one. I wanted so badly to be part of the team heading straight for Calvin’s place but I knew I was needed here.

“You good?” I turn away from the small line of blood running down my palm to see Sean stepping into the kitchen with me. 

“Fine,” I huff as the frustration continues festering beneath my control.

“Sure you are,” Sean sarcastically comments as he takes the empty chair next to me at the table. He holds his hand out in front of me, silently requesting to see my hand, but I glare at him as I replace the knife with the others lining down my rib cage.

“I said I’m fine.” 

Sean just rolls his eyes and grabs my hand before I can tuck it out of sight. I relent and let him examine my hand, knowing he wouldn’t leave me alone until he determines whether or not I caused any damage. When all he finds is the small cut that’s beginning to close, he allows me to pull my hand back.

“Nathan’s team will be back soon.” The statement, I’m guessing, is said to alleviate some of the frustration he must see breaking through my mask. Unfortunately, it does the opposite.

“They were supposed to be back ten minutes ago.” I glance at my watch and correct myself. “Eleven minutes ago.”

“We’ll give them until the twenty-minute mark before going out to find them,” he tells me as he relaxes back into the chair, “I don’t want to wake Vic unless it's necessary.” I nod in agreement and push down as much of my frustration as possible. 

Vic was the last person on watch last night and only went to sleep once North’s team left a few minutes after Nathan’s team. He won’t be able to function properly since this is the only time he’s slept in the last twenty-four hours. Granted, each of us barely sleeps more than a handful of hours, some because of PTSD, while others are nightmares. I won't add myself to their problems simply because I’m impatient.

“...Mr. Blackbourne…”

I dig my fingers harshly into the skin of my palm, hoping to keep my memories of Sang from taking over my focus. Though, the new silence between Sean and I just causes her voice to amplify in my mind.

“I’m going to get some air,” I state abruptly while serging to my feet.

“Just stay close,” Sean mumbles tiredly as he props his head up against the back of the chair. 

I pat his shoulder on my way past, "I'll be back in ten minutes."

He nods, closing his eyes as he tilts his face towards the stream of light coming in through the large windows. Some of my frustrations ebb at seeing him finally relaxing but I know that harsh mask of stress he now wears won’t fully break until Sang is back in our arms again.