I Think He Knows

𝗮𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗿'𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘆.

A̸𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗿 D̸𝗮𝘃𝗶𝘀
𝟮𝟰
☾

I took a long sip from my icy beer and let my eyes trail down the path of people around me. I was still a bit shocked by the birthday party at all and especially by the fact Will and Charlie had paid for my mom, Elliott, Louis, and Penny's tickets. I had learned from Elliott that Bowie and Jesse paid for their own since they weren't originally invited.

Elliott had brought it up during lunch a couple of weeks ago- they had this planned that far in advance- and Bowie's feelings were hurt that they hadn't invited him. Elliott called Willem and asked if it had been okay for Bowie to come. Then of course Bowie had invited Jesse himself because he didn't go anywhere without his best friend attached at the hip.

I guess they really missed seeing me, that was what Bowie told me, and my heart swelled at the statement. I hadn't meant to practically adopt four teenagers as my younger siblings but that was how it had been.

Everyone agreed that presents should come before dinner and cake despite my several protests, Bowie and Jesse wanted to give me their gift first. Bowie handed me a thin square covered in Halloween wrapping paper, dark purple with black cats printed all over. I smiled holding it in my hand, Halloween was a couple of weeks ago so it didn't surprise me that there were still things in stores for the holiday despite its passing. They knew it was the holiday I loved the most, I had even dressed up back then and took them around trick or treating.

"Don't open it yet," Bowie said urgently waving his hands in front of my face, I hadn't even tried tearing the paper but I still lifted my hands up in surrender chuckling at his dramatics. "I want to say something first."

"Okay..." I slowly let my hands down becoming slightly nervous about what he would have to say.

"Ash you've always been the coolest person I've met," Bowie started staring intensely at me. "And you were always really nice to Jesse and I when we were younger and I know it's been two years since we've talked but I really miss you living in New York. You were like the big brother I always wished I had, and we didn't have much money for a good gift and didn't really know what to get you so I hope you like it."

I didn't care how much the gift cost or even about the gift at all, just the fact they had come all this way was enough for me. It almost felt like too much, like it was too much of a hassle for them. I wasn't worth it, I wasn't worth a speech or a present, and the fact they still gave me both tugged on my heartstrings. I smiled up at the two boys as they sat there proudly on the couch. "Oh," I muttered surprised by the whole situation. I hadn't been used to this much affection or appreciation before. "Tha-"

"Open the gift first before you thank us," Jesse laughed and I joined him nodding my head, my brain was overwhelmed by this whole day.

I carefully tore off the wrapping paper and beneath it was a simple silver picture frame with an old picture of all three of us. I was eighteen in the picture sitting at one of the cafe tables in the bookstore. Bowie and Jesse, we're eleven and sitting on either side of me with huge smiles on their faces. I remembered that day, Bowie's mama had taken the picture as we colored in coloring books together.

I never really realized I looked more mature until the moment, I had looked so young in the picture. I had on a baggy black Joy Division shirt and only one tattoo, my Kaneki tattoo on my inner forearm. My eyes were bright red and puffy which meant I was probably high on something, back then it might've been Xanax since that was something I'd take frequently. On my neck were dark hickies that I wore shamelessly around like a badge of honor, I didn't feel that same way anymore. I only enjoyed a certain person's marks but anyone else's annoyed me.