I Think He Knows

𝗮 𝗱𝗶𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲

𝗠𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗲
𝟭𝟯
☀︎︎

I sat on the outer side of the bus seat with a comic book open between the thin fingers of my left hand while my right hand lifted the blue string from my hoodie to my lips as I chewed it absentmindedly. I hadn't been thinking about whether or not others would see my gross nervous habit since I was so immersed in the fantastical stories of superheroes saving the city to let my mind wander.

My little sister Olive sat on the window side, her head laid on my shoulder as she slept. She wore a pastel pink bandana since she didn't like others seeing her thinning hair from her treatments. I told her she looked pretty with or without the bandana but she was nine and saw the other little girls with long hair while hers was falling out. She would knock on my door some nights and cry while I hugged her trying to reassure her that the others wouldn't make fun of her for being different. Her classmates knew what she was going through and had even sent her homemade Get Well Soon cards when she was in the hospital.

I think she saw how kids made fun of me for being different and assumed the same for her classmates but I was in middle school which was where everyone became cruel.

I peeked over at where she slept, her cheek smooshed against my bony shoulder and a quiet snore came from her. I held back a laugh and looked back at my comic. She always asked for the window seat but continued to fall asleep every morning without so much as a glance out the window.

I was nibbling on the string when a snort came from the other side of the bus. I looked over and saw one of the boys from the basketball team chuckling with a look of disgust pointed in my direction. "No girl is going to touch you when you slobber all over your clothes like a pig," He taunted and I quickly let go of my string and looked back to the comic fixing my glasses on my nose.

"You not gonna answer me?" He asked with a certain irritated tone in his voice. I ignored him but he relented, "I was talking to you Clarke."

"I didn't ask you to," I mumbled back. He reached over and yanked the comic from my hands and my eyes widened. It was a special edition. "Please give me that back, I'm sorry."

He laughed shaking his head and nudged his friend with his elbow, "he makes this so easy."

"Can I please have it back?" I begged and they laughed more. Their smiles were hostile and the boy who had started this- Jason- held up my comic and tore it in half. I wished I could've stolen it back before he had ripped it but I didn't want to wake Olive up from her much-needed nap.

He threw it at me and said, "there's your comic."

"You're such an asshole," I mumbled although I knew better of it. He grabbed a thick bunch of my black hair and yanked me onto the floor of the bus. The driver yelled at us to settle down but didn't stop him one bit. My glasses fell from my face and Jason kneed me right in my eyes garnering a quiet whimper from me. When he had let go I quickly grabbed my glasses and looked over to my sister who now laid across the seat, I didn't have any room now. I crawled into the feet area of Olive's seat and pulled my knees to my chest leaning against the cool metal of the wall with a sigh.

My eye throbbed and I felt the urge to cry sneak up on me as I looked up at the two boys still laughing at my pitiful frame. I buried my head in my knees and let the tears fall.

I wished I could ride with my older brother Aiden and older sister Stella but they were in high school and Aiden drove them to school. Aiden hadn't wanted to wake up earlier than he needed to so that he could drop Olive and I off at our schools so he rejected my pleading with him and now my bullies had more chances to make fun of me or worse knee me in the face and rip my favorite comic.